by mike
(kingman az)

I always thought I would go before my wife.We had just remoulded the home we talked about growing old in together,traveling. I was getting ready to retire she had not worked in a while raising our three boys.This is her home she designed 99 percent of it and the part I designed I did it with her in mind.It only been five weeks I went back to work so I wouldn't be alone in this house. Ive given some of her every day clothes to goodwill but her nice clothes I want her sisters to look thru , I know they wont want any of them but I feel like I should let them decide. I Am lonely, friends and family might take my mind off her for a while but it also reminds me. She was 56 too young.I still have projects to do to finish the house but what for. me? I some time imagine working now for a few more years to fill the void. I know it will take time but right now every day seems the same as the day she died. Its hard for me to talk about to someone who was close to us with out getting emotional and crying doesn't help I still feel the same afterwards.Why?

Comments for why?

Click here to add your own comments

Sep 28, 2014
Hi Mike, I need your help!
by: Jennie

Please click on "The Grief Club" button on the left for access to the new Forum. We want to keep this great online grief resource going and need your help! Please re-post this or put a new submission there. All your friends are waiting...

Hi Judith from California, Pat from Green Bay, and Anonymous MI:

Could you please contact me via "Contact Us" button to the left? I need your help for the transition. Thanks so much!

Sep 26, 2014
there are no answers
by: Anonymous--MI

To Mike: you asked 'why'? I wish we all could have an answer to why our dear love of our lives were taken from us. God has His timing and it does not go along with our plans and wants. I am very sorry for the loss of your wife. I am a widow now into the 22nd month on this journey of grief. In 2012 my husband of 43 yrs died of sudden cardiac arrest. He left with our son at 10 o'clock a.m. to attend a ball game and at 4:30 p.m he died. He had not been ill; he was taken from us so quickly that I still feel in shock at times. I do not understand God's ways but I have faith and trust in Him and His promises. I know that my husband is in heaven and one glad day I will join him there. That is what keeps me sane; what keeps me going One Day At A Time. Don't look too far ahead as it will make you overwhelmed in thinking of your life. Keeping busy will help to pass the hours and help to feel there is still a purpose in life. I wish that I could tell you that I feel good about life and doing better but that is not true. I think of my husband all the time; we were high school sweethearts and were together and in love for 48 yrs. I have 2 adult children and their spouses and 4 wonderful grandkids to help me see some joy. I hope that you turn to God for His mercy and love. Even though we don't always feel God's presence I know He is always with us. May God bless you and all on this site.

Sep 24, 2014
sympathy and hope.
by: Lawrence

HI Mike,
You asked the eternal question “WHY”, if only we knew, it’s called life and unfortunately we have no control over it, it just happens.
My deepest sympathy on losing your lovely wife, your grief and torment screams out to us all.
You say it’s only been five weeks, it’s such early days, you must NEVER fight the urge to cry and cry, its nature’s way of helping your body release some of your terrible overwhelming anguish and pain it’s going through.
You have joined a web site with people also in agony of grief at losing a precious partner, so we all know only too well what you are going through.
I lost a beloved wife on Christmas Day 2012 after being together for nearly seventy years of utter bliss, and like you I thought I would never recover, I was totally bereft and couldn’t face my few remaining years alone, and yet here I am sending some solace and hope, just to show that time will ease your sadness, but it needs some help.
So I am saying.
I know you work during the day but find some way to occupy your evenings which can be so incredibly lonely.
If you enjoy playing cards join the local bridge club, if you have never played before it doesn’t matter, they will teach you.
If you have played a musical instrument way back in your life, find a teacher and start playing again, or even if you have never played anything choose an instrument and learn, if you are computer literate write a book, it doesn’t matter if its total rubbish, it’s your life story, people will want to read it.
Mike, lethargy is a symptom of your grief so you must literally force yourself.
I do all the things I suggested and many more, it does help, but I know I will never stop crying for my lovely sweetheart, but the fact I am sending you this comment must show you that there is light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes time.
The first step in your recovery was writing to this “DEATH OF A SPOUSE” web site where you will see you are not alone, read all the submissions and comments and find some comfort from them as I certainly did.
From one heartbroken widower to you Mike.
My deepest sympathy

Sep 23, 2014
by: Doreen UK

Mike this is the REALITY of Grief pain and how one feels from one day to another. You will have good days and bad days and the healing process is so slow that it makes one feel as if this grief will last forever. I lost my husband to a deadly cancer 2yrs.4months ago. Married 44yrs. and a 3yrs. cancer battle. I could not function for 6 months. The best way forward I found on this site. TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. Even now I can still only take one day at a time. Even being busy during the day, and putting much in my day does not lessen my grief. It is always there. At the end of the day the loneliness and emptiness never goes away. It is going to take months to years for any of us to feel a part of life again.
I have such a lovely son whose presence and personality make one feel so happy when he is around and depressed when he is not. Much like his father. But he is married and living his own life and there is no replacement. Having a daughter at home helps the loneliness, but she is working full time and so I have to tough it out as best as I can. Work does help to leseen some of the emptiness, so I guess those who are still in employment are helped better.
My husband died just before retirement so could not have the time he earned from his 47yrs. working life. One partner has to do the retirement on their own. It is not much fun. Mike all we can do is to stand with one another on this site and encourage one other each day with strength and courage for each day.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Spouse/ True Love.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!