Why

I wonder why people don't want to be with me because I am now alone. I wonder why no one wants me to talk about him. I wonder why they don't understand that he was the love of my life and I love remembering him and talking about him. Sure it makes me cry, they would cry too. But they can't expect me to forget what a wonderful life I had. How he was always there for me. How we did everything together.

But not to talk about him- not to remember those beautiful moments we had together. Is that what they call moving on? Then I don't want to.
I don't know what they mean by moving on. I want to hold on to him for the rest of my life. I read here about people who have lost loves years ago and your pain is still there. Do people think it will just stop?

I love him so much and I miss him and I don't know what I am going to do.

Comments for Why

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Jan 21, 2011
The widow's veil
by: Zoe

Why do widow's wear a veil? I used to think it was to hid their tears from the world. But now I know it is to make it easier to look past us.

When it first happens there are a rush of people. All very honestly and earnestly wanting to help, love and support. Now understand their hearts do not change, they still mean this. But the time frame we live in changes, you see we are there, it holds us this loss, they are moving forward. Eventually we are an annoyance (why can't she get over this, or why can't she pull herself together, or my personal favorite, don't you think she has milked this enough) or we are a fear, like they may catch the death that has happened to us. It is human nature not to want to look too long at anything sad, and we my friend are sad.

Now understand through all of this, I have worked, paid my bills, done all of the mechanical stuff, so I must be ok.. well I am as far from ok as a human can be.

We are different, that is why this site helps so much, here we find a common bond. People who might not have ever connected connect because we KNOW, we UNDERSTAND. You don't get that from others, they try, they just can't. And the fact is, would you want them to? if understanding where you are meant suffering the same loss...no. none of us would wish this on anyone.

For me, I write sometimes here, sometimes alone. Others have family or friends, some have moved on more, some less. but know we are here, we will listen, all the time, day or night

all you can do is start at the beginning, which is the same for all of us

one breath, one step, one day at a time

Jan 21, 2011
Remembering~Beautiful Memories
by: Trish

Last Sunday my daughter , daughter-in-law and I attended a friend's baby shower. It's only been 7 weeks for me. My daughter-in-law spent a good deal of the drive from our northern suburb to Chicago talking about my husband. My husband loved my daughter-in-law so much and my daughter was daddy's little girl from the day she was born.

We were seated at a table with nurses at the shower (I am a nurse as well as the grandma to be)~I started discussing my husband's case with them (quite lengthy, involved and interesting). My daughter became irritated and said, "Do we have to keep talking about dad. Can't we talk about something else?"

It was so upsetting to me. I love to talk about my husband. He was larger than life and fought so hard to stay here with all of us. It frightens me that my daughter doesn't want to talk about him. She can't neatly tuck him away. I'm worried about her.

I've had friends ask me if it upsets me to talk about things. I don't want to relive that terrible last day~but call me and let me know you are thinking about him. I need to talk about him. We all need to share the happy memories.
People are uncomfortable with death.
Come to this site and write happy memories about him. We'll all be listening.

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