widowhood the lonely road towards recovery
I am not sure why I return to this site from time to time.
Is it to check on my grief sisters that took the roller coaster ride of grief together?
Am I checking to see if this longing for that Love I once had is "Normal"?
I am not asking permission to move forward, I know that grief is the very thing that defines who I am, how it is possible to make a new life when the old life has been blown to smitherines.
I have not fallen into drinking or drugs since the death of Paul. Yet looking for? something to make me feel better I have spent money bargain shopping, traveling, concerts all to make me feel better. To fill the empty hole that is my soul. The travel is bittersweet, In awe of what I view yet asking...
Do you see this Honey? Am I looking at life though My eyes for us? Are you proud of how far I have come?
I also have gained weight eating "comfort foods" A habit that is especially hard to stop. Sugar and salt, an addiction that has become a daily routine. Like any other drug one that I know I must escape and leave behind.
I have joined the Y.M.C.A and it is true, it does give you natural endorphines. The trick is just getting started and sticking with it. The truth is I did it for my son. His moodiness was driving me insane and I thought it would help him, in the end it helps us both.
This is a confession of a widow who survived the main turmoil of grief but feels almost is post tramatic stress will be with me for some time. It is something that I fight every day. Memories from the past do not assail me as often but they do come to me from time to time.
They say what does not kill you will make you stronger.
I am stronger, more wise, and more understanding of people having gone through the best and the worst that makes life.
Always...one step one breath at a time.