Wife left me and can't stop feeling hear tbroken...time heals but come on already!

by Fernando

dancing to Shout! during wedding reception. This is the kind of fun loving spiirt we always kept around each other...which is why I just don't know why this happened...

dancing to Shout! during wedding reception. This is the kind of fun loving spiirt we always kept around each other...which is why I just don't know why this happened...

Well, where do I start. We were friends for 5 years before we started dating and eventually got married. I thought everything was great. We never seemed to even argue over much of anything ( maybe that should have been a sign). May of 2010 after about 2 and a half years of marriage she told me that she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with anymore. She said she loved me but that wasn't enough. She pointed out some random things I could do that might help us stay together (work out more, get a better paying job, get rid of my dog, etc.). I did everything for her. I did most of the cooking and cleaning too. I worked and went to school. I was always there for her when she needed someone to talk to. I always complemented her ever chance I could and always looked at her the same way I did the first time we met.I supported every career decision she mad. And when she doubted herself I was there to tell her how special she was and how capable of doing anything she wanted to she was. I gave up so much for her I moved away from my family in Florida to Texas for her, and in the end it wasn't enough for her. She promised me that she did love me and that if we got married we would work through everything this world threw at us...But I guess she must have been lying to herself. I truly believe that she believed she was in love with me. But the only thing close to a real reason I got from her about why she was leaving me was that she had been subconsciously ( unknowingly) building up resentment towards me about things she didn't like and since she was bottling it up inside it built up to the point where it all came out and no matter what I did to try and fix things it was years too late. I never stood a chance though all I wanted was to keep her smiling. Everyone was taken by surprise over our split up. Though none more than I.

2 weeks after we moved to our own apartments I got a call from my brother that my father, who was in the hospital with pneumonia had is vitals stop. Though he was resuscitated, it took to long and he had no cognitive activity. All that was keeping his heart beating and his body breathing was a machine. I flew back to Florida so I could be in the room while they disconnected the machine. The worst part about it was that I was feeling so destroyed from my wife leaving me that I was already pretty numb...sometimes I still think I am still that numb. How I can I grief for two things together when each one deserves its own period of grief?

My wife also left me loans we took out to help pay things ( including the wedding she really wanted). Unfortunately since we weren't married at the time I took out these loans the debt is legally just mine. She was talking about we could still be friends and that we wouldn't throw away such a special friendship. But she ended up never calling or acknowledging I existed except when she needed divorce papers signed. I wouldn't never want to get back with her. I wouldn't want to be with someone who could just throw me away like that. Treat me like everything we shared was just nothing more than footnote in her past. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. Every thing reminds me of her. Every time i listen to a song or watch a movie or eat at a place I know she would have liked it all comes back. And plus I have that feeling of hate in me. I don't want to let that eat away at my heart. But as of right now I want her to eventually be miserable and realize that she made the biggest mistake of her life. But that's just me needing that so I don't feel that I am the failure here.

I'm just afraid no matter what happens now I am always going to think that regardless how great a person seems and how much in love we are and wonderful the relationship is, in the end it could always come to that same end. What a horrible way to be. Well I could have gone more into detail but I just needed to vent this to people who might at least know what it feels like to have their hearts crushed. We officially got divorced last August, 2011 and had separated December 16th of 2010. I just hope these goes away within the following year. She doesn't deserve to affect me this way.

Comments for Wife left me and can't stop feeling hear tbroken...time heals but come on already!

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Nov 04, 2014
God Be With You
by: Anonymous

Hello everyone, I am going through the same thing 17 years married 21 years together and she says she does not love me anymore. She says, its been going on for the last 2 to 3 years and never told me. I talked with her every 6 months how she felt for me, was I working too much and are we on the same page. she aid, love you, keep working and we are good together. We have 2 boys, and now everything is gone in 1 second. I think she may be seeing someone, I feel it inside. I asked her she said no. I asked her if she would give me another chance, she said she gave me plenty of them. We never argued or fought that could have been a problem. Her dad was always in the way called her 10 times a day everyday even when we were on vacation. Always came up for dinner, he never accepted me and always said things to her. Unfortunately she choose him over me. Hang in there everyone, this is all new for me. You all give me inspiration. You all are good human beings, you did not do anything wrong. Believe in yourself. Thank you and God Bless All Of You!!

Sep 27, 2014
is so hard to leave the one you love
by: D.J.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance they will love you back.Dont expect love in Return just wait for it to grow in their heart; but.if if doesnt.be content that it grew in yours

Sep 08, 2014
Been There
by: Anonymous

My wife left while I was in a treatment center for addiction. We actually had a good marriage. We had one major argument, and that was the night I knew I needed help (I was drunk during the argument and I felt terrible afterward) So, a month goes by and we talk every day on the phone. All seemed well. She said she was waiting for me to come home (and we have a daughter together) I came home to an empty house. Upon tracing the banking history online, I learned that she had been moving from the day I left and not telling me. It almost stopped my heart. That was a year ago now. To reflect something you said, why would any man in his right mind want someone like that? Someone who runs, hides, gives up. I still have a great deal of difficulty forgiving her for that, and I have no respect for her at all. I think that your best healing agent would be a similar thought path (though not the unforgivness part)...see that what she did was give up and run. That is not love. Not in my mind anyhow.

May 22, 2014
it's starting here too
by: Anonymous

Well where to begin. I'm not perfect at all completely different from most of you as far as life choices. I had a bad past did 6 years in prison because of drugs then came home to a new world. I knew my wife prior but it was a fling. My drug induced dream and that was it. When I came home I called her to apologize and leave it at that. Well she kept in touch and we spoke daily becoming best friends and lovers. Everything was perfect, I made it off parole went to college for welding and now am having the good job offers. Only to get fired for having felonies. I've been clean 9 years and my wife can be supportive but when we fight it gos back to how I'll never be anything. Off the subject sorry. My wife who I love deeply has bad trust issues and yes I've lied in the past. She left me giving up on our love. We sleep separately she ignores me all day and she took most of the little money I have. No I'm not perfect, but I've always been faithful. I tell her daily how much I love her, how beautiful she is, how much I need her. And even though I show her as well when one wrong thing happens she hates me. Just don't get how when you love someone it can be so easy to give up. The pain is a lot to handle for anyone and no one deserves to be so heart broken. I try to think well I'm 29 look good I'll be able to find someone but I don't want anyone but her. I keep looking up how to get over someone, how to win her back, how to cope. Nothing helps and I stumble upon this, people dealing with similar situations and no matter how different we are, we all lost the love of our lives, we're all hurting the same. Thanks for the blogs and letting me vent a little. Not really able to tell the whole story , hell I'm so miserable I can't even write this the way I normally would. It seems off. Well maybe another day.

May 06, 2014
it hurts
by: Anonymous

My wife left me. We had been together 13 yrs but married only 3 after she proposed to me. Its been a recent event but she seems to have totally changed, she wont talk to me she already has a new partner, changed her name back to her maiden name, cut off all our joint friends. Has a complete new circle of friends all within a few months. I sit like most of you wondering what I did wrong but also feeling sad and lonely. Its changed my life completely Ive had to sell my house and now rent a small 1 bedroom flat. Shes left me with a substantial amount of joint debt which in hindsight like a fool I was happy to be put in my name. I still love her but hate her for what shes done and, pretty mixed up really. Deep down I know she will regret it as it wasn't just me she gave up but a great life style and grandchildren whom she has no contact with.

Nov 19, 2013
Same thing
by: Anonymous

My wife was the same.Yes we had a few problems throughout our 12 years of marriage but never serious. I was hit with the "I don't love you, I want to be by myself" around her 38th bday. I was in shock. I thought that I could try to do anything possible to save it. As tie went by thought, there was another guy in the picture and quickly all her time, effort, and soul went with him and slowly left us. I was told that she wanted a divorce everyday for months at a time. Here we are today and she has to move out of our home next week. I am still sad but realize closure will not happens until she moves for good. She is still in her new relationship and seems like this is the guy for her Time heals wounds, and I am hoping mine will start to heal as soon as she leaves.
She will always be the mother to my 11 yr old, but has payed such little attention to her I will try to win her in custody in two months. My daughter and I will eventually find happiness, we deserve it.

Nov 07, 2013
The woman that comes after
by: Anonymous

I met a wonderful man 1 1/2 months ago and after the third date realized he was different from any other man I had ever met.things seem to be easy and wonderful with no red flags. We talked easily and we shared our hopes and dreams and fears. The only thing he asked was I be honest and always communicate. See he was the guy who married his high school sweetheart and after 14 years she left him. He was blind sided and destroyed. He wanted to go to counseling and make it work but she wanted none of it. It cost him a lot of money to get out of a marriage he didn't want to end. It's been six years and he is still very bitter. Just a few days ago when I thought all was fine, I shared some feelings and all the sudden he became overwhelmed and needed a break. He said he is scared at how fast this has all happened and is afraid he won't be able to make me happy and not sure if he will ever be able to commit. He says he cares for me deeply and loves me and has never felt this way about anyone since his ex and she burned him. He thinks I am almost perfect for him and wants me but not sure if he can right now. So I am doing my best to give him time and space, but is there much hope here? Is there any chance after 6 years of being single that he will ever heal and recover to have a good healthy relationship?

Sep 11, 2013
Finding myself
by: Anonymous

Thanks for sharing. Going through exactly the same thing. Together 8 years, married for a year and a half when she came and told me that she couldn't go on and that she had done something with someone else. Hard as it is, I was prepared to try and work the problems out. I'm not saying I'm perfect and in this last year I've learned where I went wrong through investing in myself, but these were not the sort of things you leave your husband.

To be honest, all I wanted/wished for was a chance to try and work through it. I don't wish her any unhappiness, but deep down I know she's made a mistake.

Jun 07, 2013
What I've learned..
by: Anonymous

I am currently where you have been and I know what your experiencing. The details of my story don't matter but I would like to let you know what I have learned.
Life is not structured in the idealized way we would like.
For some people it works out the way they plan and for others, fate has a different plan.
What's important to know is that the love you feel for the people who have come in and out of your life is genuine regardless if its returned to you or not.
And even if nothing works out the way you plan,
Feel proud to know that your heart was always a true reflection
Of your soul, force a smile and give thanks to God for
The blessings you do have.
All the best to you and anyone who reads this.

May 08, 2013
wife left me after 23 years
by: david

after 23 years together and 3 teenage children my wife who never stayed out all night stopped coming home at night i said where were you the last 3 nights and she hit me with at my apartnment my head started spinning and then she said im not happy and im moving out.this kills me because for 20 years she was the most kind gentle loving wife and all of a sudden it seemed like she just turned on me this hurts because i still love her so much heres the kicker she told me it was not easy having a disabled husband ,i have nerve problems from diabetis so a couple of weeks after my wife left us she said the kids can come over and have dinner and sleep at her place when they want and now they tell me that their is a man like myself who is also disabled that she is now dateing but she has the nerve to tell me that she will leave the door open to coming back to our family it has gotten so bad that i cant stand getting up in the morning her mother tells me i think she may hav had a mental breakdown this whole situation sucks and everyday is so painful.

Apr 30, 2013
20 and done....
by: Kellbasa

Same song different verse. Together for 24yrs, married for 20 and she was done. Well more like after 18yrs of marriage she decided to start accepting advances. First time was summer of 2011. After the first we decide to work it out and see how it goes. A year later she gives up but fails to tell me. She tells most of the women she knows who in turn help her for 6 months hide the fact she has started seeing him again. I guess it's a girl thing. They love the drama without the actual risk involved. So here I am....alone and not knowing if I can ever trust again.

Apr 23, 2013
by: vic

after 32years of marriage my wife left me for some one she worked with its two months broken heart sitting on my 53 birthday crying my eyes out my grown kids some how seem to think i am to blame all i did was love her but because after she went i found out where she had gone she got nasty and told every body that i used yo beat her i never once in 32years laid a hand on her i couldnt but i think my children are starting to believe her i feel so alone

Mar 19, 2013
After 20 years
by: Anonymous

I'm devastated. My wife of 20 years says she's tired of me and can't put up with me anymore. We always had money issues because I only have a high school diploma. I've tried to do the best I could but she says she's tired of our life and she wants out. We have two great kids, both in the 17/18 age. I moved out and my daughter did too. I've had health problems that kept me from working two jobs. I now have them under control and I have a second job, but she says its over. She has no more to give. I even told her that if she'd try with us one more time that she wouldn't have to give anything. I would take care of it all. But she won't try again. I'm so lonely with her gone, I don't know what to do. I miss her and the kids. I don't know if I can make it through this or not.

Mar 10, 2013
i lost my best friend
by: vic

My wife left after 32 years of marriage moved in with some one she works with.refuses to talk to ether me or our grown up children in fact has had police come out to me for trying to text her. deeply heart broken accepted its over but why i dont know it seemed has she approached 50 she completely changed and become a differanr person

Feb 17, 2013
by: Anonymous

I can relate to alot of what happened to you me an my wife have been married for 3 years an we have a 2 year old boy an she just left after 2 months shes already with another guy an we havent even divorced she dont call text or anything its like i dont exist an i cant get over it it has made my life miserable

Jan 01, 2013
by: Fernando

Thanks for everyone's feed back and for sharing their own personal experiences. I won't say it was easy but I have allowed myself to move past all this. I've just focused on being healthy, working out and taking care of my body and furthering my career. I've started dating and am now looking for love again. A new love that has nothing to do with my past. I feel happy about my life, though sometimes it does seem like things move along slowly but I have learned to just enjoy my the good moments as they show up. I hope you all have found that something to pull you up and out of those little dark holes. All we can do is focus on ourselves and not let those who have hurt us destroy who we are at our core. Here is to a great 2013!

Dec 28, 2012
No One Deserves to be Thrown Away
by: Looking Onward

Hello there,
It's amazing that my wife of 5 years also abandoned our marriage in May of 2010. Maybe there was something in the water...LOL I feel that it's a shame that people can justify throwing away a relationship. Most of the time, it's in order for the other person to pursue a new love interest. I am pretty sure that my ex was running around on me. That's why it is so important that we follow our instincts when we feel that something is out of place. I have heard it said, "believe what a person does, not what he/she says." If you find that she is no longer warm and receptive and being affectionate has become a task, then something is wrong. In terms of healing, it's a spiraled cycle. In other words, you will have good days and bad ones, as it relates to your feelings. I have found that spending time with friends and even going on dates with new women can do wonders for your self esteem. The problem is not with you, it's with the other person. She will someday look back on this and wonder what could have been and why she left in the first place. Often, these outside flings start out hot and soon fizzle in time. That's because it's built on an adulterous lie. My ex asked me years later, "it was too late to come back, right?" She had done her dirt and wanted me to just reinsert her back into my life. Sorry toots, it doesn't work like that. I deserve better and so do you, my friend. Remember, respect is earned, it's not given. Once you allow a person to run in and out of your life, they will run forever. Life is short, enjoy it.

Sep 20, 2012
On the same boat... also
by: Betrayed

Fernando, I'm so sorry. I am going through the exact same thing. In February of 2011, me and my wife finalized plans for a trip to Greece for the month of May, to celebrate 25 years of an oustanding marriage. 2 kids. Good life in the suburbs. Many things in common. No financial issues. Great intimacy. We travelled 3 times a year. Well, that was at the beginning of February. On the last day of February, she told me she met someone else !!! That I turned her off and that he turned her on. Can you imagine how I felt ? I shall never understand how humans can sometimes be so cruel... I ws a complete wreck.

Here I am now, 18 months later. I have a steady (and had a few) girlfriend but it makes almost no difference at all. I've been told that forgiveness is the only road to ease the pain... How can I (and yourself) ever trust anyone again ? What does it mean to forgive ? I'm still searching.

Sep 02, 2012
by: Anonymous

I know exactly how u feeling there is no quick answer for relief. There is no guarantee time heals it. It takes work professional or whatever. Pain is as clear as day. Been so long and I realized things I put up with. But still dying and numb.look to God good luck.

Mar 15, 2012
Hope all is smooth sailing now Fernando
by: Frank

I just read your story and I can't help but picture exactly what you are feeling. I was with my high school sweetheart for 5 years. She was I believe the woman I would marry. Now, I never believed in marriage...but her demeanor was so believable...she played the part so well. Anywho the truth came out later on that the original reason why she had moved in with my while I was a Sophomore in college was due to her love for me. When she left me on my aunts last breathing day I was devastated...completely shattered. I just paid off the last of the utilities last week. All of the bills I took care of. She told she felt bad with the relationship my parents and I had and she for the part. I did everything at such a young age and was so happy.She on the other hand took what we had and acted as if nothing had ever occurred. We lived together for 2 yearsand had our fair share of arguments. I came back from a family cruise and saw a video while I was out of the picture she had been drinking and partying her life up. I still persisted in trying to make it work even after I saw a disturbing video of her with someone else. I'm a built latino male, I'm a chef, still in a 4 year university and undergoing my masters degree shortly in an MPA program...I don't lack in any aspect, I am also a talented Latin Dancer...I say this bcuz I thought there was something wrong with me...until you realize that it isn't you...you will be able to reconstruct trust and the ability to love again. Fernando this is the time you focus on yourself and your family for support. I only said those 3 magical words to one woman...A few months later I ran into a fellow mutual friend of a my best friend...she is my exact opposite (opposite only being that she was a female). My first live never pushed me to excel in life I always did however. I was not looking for what was soon to come. This is only a snippet of my story. I made a huge turn around in a matter of several months. The car I paid for was under her name, she totaled my car and I was left with my 2 feet. To and from my job I would jog/run 9 miles to and from...I had to withdraw from school to regain my strength. I didn't trust anybody. I realized she chose her path now I must chose mine. If you are still struggling and fighting yourself to continue on...we are men we heal differently than women do. We always have to maintain our pride, dignity, machismo persona, and be strong/bold. However, we must learn to be true to our feelings even if that means releasing tears. Trust is still an issue I battle however I'm much more at ease with myself. You have to make yourself vulnerable and susceptible in order to continue on in your hours of love. Again time will only help if you allow it to and let go...come to terms with your past, acknowledge it, focus on family and on yourself. You will realize when you are ready to delve into another relationship and try to create a better you.......

Feb 25, 2012
In the same boat
by: Anonymous

Hey Fernando, this may be a bit late, but I know exactly how you're feeling because I'm going through the same thing right now. My long term boyfriend/best friend changed his mind overnight about our relationship and now doesn't care if he ever sees me again. My grandpa, who was my father figure, died unexpectedly about three weeks after my boyfriend dumped me. I'm still devastated and I'm still in that dark place. I break down at least once a day and I can't concentrate on my work whatsoever. I know my grandpa is in a better place and that one day I'll find a real man who will love me enough to not throw me away like a piece of garbage.
I know it sounds cliche, and I'm not sure of it myself at this point, but time really does heal all wounds. I know it's a hard idea to conceive at this point, but you will find love again. Someone who will love you unconditionally for who you are; someone who you won't have to change for whatsoever. Just hang in there. It's always darkest before dawn.

Feb 18, 2012
Time will heal
by: Judith

Fernando, I'm so sorry that she did that to you. How horrible for someone to play your heart and feelings like that. Yes, you'll grieve the loss of what you thought you had. I hope not for long and that you find the happiness you deserve for being such a nice guy.

God is watching her and taking notes.
Time will heal you and you are in control of your feelings. Don't give her the power to let this ruin your future happiness.

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