wife of 23 years just walked out

by john
(new york)

my wife of 23 years came home after staying out all night which she never did before. i stayed up all night worried about where she was if she was ok she came in the house walked in the kitchen i said where were you all night she replied at my apartnment.i was stunned she told me while refusing to look at me that she was not happy and was leaving,since that day i have been completley numb it's like she did'nt even care about all our years together or our three kids.over the next week things just got harder she brought our kids into our bedroom locked the door and told them that if they want they can go live with her now my 18 year old daughter and my 15 year old son go to her place and eat and sleep there my 17 year old daughter stays here with me but i hardly see her because she spends most of her time at her friends house.im so sad sick and lonley i cant stand it everyday hurts so bad she just walked away from me our home and our family and it seems like she dont even care everyday all i think about is the pain of watching the people i love moving their things out of our home .when she left she told me she may come back or she may not she dont know yet.then about two weeks after she left me my kids started telling me about some guy and his kid who have dinner with them and hang out with them on weekends now she is so mean to me she treats me like i was the one who walked out ,also she calls me everyday and talks to me like nothing happened and asks me whats wrong her mother thinks she may have had a mental breakdown which i also think.all i think about is her all day everyday and what is going to happen with her and my kids in the future and if that is not bad enough she left me with a ton of bills which im having trouble paying if i was a bad guy or cheated on her or hit her i could understand this but i was nothing but a loving husband who gave everything to her and our kids.dont know what to do i cant eat or sleep.

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Apr 12, 2013
wife of 23 years just walked out
by: Doreen U.K.

John this is so very unfair and I am sorry for your loss of marriage and relationship with your family. Your kids will be caught in the middle with divided loyalties. Your wife may have won at the moment but your kids will soon realise what is really going on and may return to you. I know these days are very difficult and painful for you right now. GO and see a counsellor and talk things over for however long you need to do this. You will resolve a lot of your pain here and be able to move on better in the days ahead. Sadly not only is death a terrible experience. But so is the breakdown of a marriage and family because the person is still alive and somewhere else.
Of course if your wife moved out to another apartment another man would have had to be the reason. Which is why she is treating you so badly. It is cruel of her to say she may be back. BUT. BEWARE. As much as you love your wife. DON'T let her use you for her own end. DON'T let your kids use you either for their own end. Counselling will help you get back the CONTROL you have lost with your family. You need to establish more control over your family and let them know you have feelings also and they cannot trample over these. Thank God your children are adults now and you don't have to care for them. By being in work you should be able to eventually pay off these bills/debts. You could also downsize your home so that you are caring for you and the daughter staying with you. Either way the 2 children who have gone to live with their mother are old enough to take care of themselves and learn some harsh realities of how hard life is. Your wife will learn this if she should lose the new man in her life. You need to take care of YOU. Your children are all grown up and would have eventually left home due to their ages. These days will be difficult. Counselling will help you move forward and you will be Happy again. I lost my husband to cancer almost a year ago and I am SAD, AND UNHAPPY. We were married 44yrs. I am having to learn to go on with my life now without my husband as you are without your wife even if in different circumstances. The pain is very real. But what CHOICE do we have. We can't change our circumstances. WE can only change our attitude towards our circumstances and this is how we will survive.

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