Will I always feel so alone??

by Julie
(Iowa)

My husband died almost 2 years ago from cancer. When he was first diagnosed, we had hope that he would overcome it. And he did, but it came back more aggressive and was diagnosed as terminal. Even though he knew he was dying, he was more concerned about me. He wanted to get everything in order and even planned his funeral. He chose to die at home and I was with him. My friends and our famalies have been great and supportive, but yet....I feel so alone at times. Especially when I see loving couples together. I am thankful that I had him for 27 years but still wanted many more years. Weekends are the hardest for me cause I just dont feel like doing anything. I cry myself to sleep most weekends. I dont let my friends and family know because i do not want to be a burden. I just feel so alone, does it ever get better?

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Sep 03, 2013
will I always feel so alone
by: silver

I can only say that it is the same for most of us. When you spend half your life with your soul mate.it is hard to go on.I sent my love on May 2011 one week after our anniversary. We went out Sunday eve for our anniversary dinner.Tues morning he was in ICU.The following Sunday he was gone.I felt as if I died also.At first,I didn't want to get out of bed,get dressed,eat or go anywhere.I didn't either for 2 months.My mom followed my dad 7 months after he died.My children saw what I was doing and were afraid I would follow my mother's example and just sit until I died also.They called me everyday and were here for the holidays.My worst few months were from 14 months to 20 months.A lot of people think that one yr is enough but I think sometimes that's when the hard sgrieving is done.I think you are in shock most of that first year.Yes,I'm still lonely and feel alone so much,but it is getting easier to go out.I go to the Senior Center to play bingo a couple of times a month.I go to church most of the time.I still haven't given away his things,but I am looking at them without crying now.I did give a few of his things to our sons.I agree that it is one day at a time.You will still have hard days but they will get farther apart.Then the hard times will be a spot here and there.I have gotten to the point when I see a happy couple I want to go over to them and say:"Tell them you love them often because you don't know how long you have."We are here for you and there are some wonderful people on this site.GOD continue to send you strength and peace.I will continue to keep you in my prayers.

Sep 03, 2013
Will I Always Feel So Alone
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear Julie,
My husband of 46 years, died two years ago, on June 27, 2011. Our wedding anniversary was the day before on the 26th. He died from a massive heart attack.
People would tell me things will get easier and better. For me, I still just take it one day at a time. Easier or better; it doesn't happen for me. I am just slowly learning to go on without him.
I have 5 adult children and 8 grandchilden. I am so grateful for them. My family is very supportive. My husbands' family includes me in alot of get-to-gethers. They talk about him with me In the early days, I told them I would never stop talking about him. They told me they didn't expect me not to.
After my husband died, I joined a grief support group through our church. I met 3 other widows and we just formed a bond and supported each other through the rough times. They have moved on in their lives; two having male friends. I can't go in that direction yet. I don't know if I ever will. Everyone is different.
As you said, the longer they are gone, the more we miss them. I too, still am envious when I see a couple holding hands or kissing. I know I will never experience those feelings with my husband again.
I ask my loving God to lead me and show me the way everyday. I talk to my husband everyday. I still have this ache in my heart for him; don't think that ever fully goes away.
Our loved ones would want us to go on. Whenever I experience something, I tell him I am doing it for the both of us. He physically is gone, but for me, he is spiritually always with me.
We never expected to live without our spouses. We always felt it wouldn't happen to us. We are never prepared for their death. My husband always told me I was a strong woman. He was right. I am alot stronger than I thought I was.
Being a widow or widower is not an easy journey. My father lived 30 years longer than my mom. My mother-in-law is 93 and she was a widow at 54. They survived their journey of grief, so will I. I don't like my new life, but this is the life I have now and will go on.
Lonely, I feel a part of me died the day my husband died. This is our life now, we just accept it and go on. I appreciate the small things now. We never know when our life on earth will end. The consolation in that is, I am a firm believer I will one day see and be with my husband again. I don't want to die, yet two years ago, I did. I don't fear death anymore. I was standing right beside my husband and he was gone instantly. His death was so fast and peaceful; for that I am so grateful; it doesn't make me miss him less though.
I was told the longer they are gone the more we miss them. I agree.

Sep 03, 2013
Will I always feel so alone??
by: Doreen U.K.

Julie I am sorry for your loss of your husband to cancer almost 2yrs. ago. These are still early days. I had my husband for 44yrs. but he was on the road 6 days a week so for his 47yrs. working life we didn't have the quality of relationship. But I accepted this as part of life and still have no regrets over the life I had. I was content. Looking forward to my husband's retirement but sadly he died 11 months into his retirement 16 months ago I lost him to a deadly cancer caused by working with asbestos a hazardous material used in the workplace but not known then as dangerous. Here in England now the 40yrs. is up for full term exposure of this terminal cancer. and so many are dying now from this type of cancer.
Just like you I don't want to be a burden so don't talk about how I feel. Our grief is different. When you lose a partner it is a worse type of grief. The Pain from this is like none other. My husband also was more concerned about leaving his family and made sure everything was in place for us to live well. He was such a thoughtful caring man that everyone loved. I miss him so much. It will always hurt.
I hate the weekends also. But more so because my husband died on a Saturday late almost into Sunday morning we were dealing with his passing. His funeral was on a Friday so this whole weekend from Friday I dislike. I guess it is only TIME that will allow us to feel less ALONE. We will somehow one day get used to our own company. Life as we knew it could never be the same again. Few get a second chance to get it right again. I don't want to be in that number. 44yrs. to me is a lifetime and I don't want to spoil the memories with the only Man I ever Loved. Two hearts that beat as one. Now mine beats alone till I am reunited with him. Having purchased a grave for two will allow me the knowledge that we will be together again and it will be recorded on our gravestone. TOGETHER AT LAST.
One time I couldn't talk of death. A subject I avoided till I had to deal with it personally. I hope that I don't have to do this again with anyone close. I don't want to spend the rest of my short life grieving. To answer your question. "Will I always feel so alone??" NO. Grief is a process. It is a journey we go through but the healing from this is SLOW. I find that nurturing oneself with doing special things for ourselves and just treating ourselves in some special way on going, is a good way of Healing ourselves from grief. It is still a journey and a process. But it is still hard going through this. ONE DAY AT A TIME is the secret of coping. In time you will be able to put new things in your life to lessen the loneliness so that you don't feel it so much. I wish you better days ahead and best wishes for the future.

Sep 03, 2013
Will it get better
by: June

Julie

You have expressed exactly how I feel.

It has been almost 18 months since my husband, Mike, passed away. As time goes on I actually think it is getting worse for me. I, too, have family, friends, and my dog and cat, but it still feels so empty. I miss Mike so much.

I keep busy with volunteering, etc. but some days you just wonder what`s the point.

We still had a lot of things we wanted to do together and it just doesn`t seem fair.

My hope is that we will be Together Again (song by Paul Brandt).

My thoughts are with you and with the other people on this site.

This site has helped me a lot and I still come to it at least once or twice a week.
♥June
Canada

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