Will I ever be happy again?
Almost 6 years ago my husband was murdered. I went threw 1 1/2 worth of court and trials. The 2 men were sentenced to life in prison (thank God!) Soon after the trial was over I moved to a new town and met what I thought was a wonderful man. He had lost his step father in a tragic car accident just months before my husband's death. He has 2 kids the same age as mine, he liked all the same activities my family liked. Long story short 3 1/2 years later I kicked him about for the fourth and final time. He would lie to me about his whereabouts, he would stay out until 3 am., he was very stressed about his business and drinking way too much, and then got into some legal problems and may be facing jail time. Let me not tell a one sided story, I'm not innocent in this scenario. I handled every bit of this the wrong way. Every time he wouldn't come home my solution was to kick him out. I didn't know what else to do. if he didn't want to be in a good home with a family, I couldn't make him. I was a nag, my self confidence was nonexistent and I became a jealous mess. I was so scared to loose him that I preferred to kick him out. I guess after you suffer a loss you become more attached to people? We were treating each other horribly and with no respect. The sad thing is I think we could have probably made this work but now so much has occurred that there is no going back. I think my first mistake was I didn't give myself enough time to get over my husband's death before I entered this new relationship and all the baggage and my insecurities spilled into this relationship. For the past 6 years I have carried guilty concerning my husband's death, that I am finally dealing with. I am trying to get over this break up in a more positive manner than I did my husband's death. I'm working out, going to therapy and no men! I want to be the successful, confident woman that I was before my husband died, not this insecure mess that this new man knew. We have been broken up for 3 months now. I think I'm over the anger and disappointment. I just want the regret and love to go away! I wanted this relationship to have meaning.