Will I ever be happy again?

Almost 6 years ago my husband was murdered. I went threw 1 1/2 worth of court and trials. The 2 men were sentenced to life in prison (thank God!) Soon after the trial was over I moved to a new town and met what I thought was a wonderful man. He had lost his step father in a tragic car accident just months before my husband's death. He has 2 kids the same age as mine, he liked all the same activities my family liked. Long story short 3 1/2 years later I kicked him about for the fourth and final time. He would lie to me about his whereabouts, he would stay out until 3 am., he was very stressed about his business and drinking way too much, and then got into some legal problems and may be facing jail time. Let me not tell a one sided story, I'm not innocent in this scenario. I handled every bit of this the wrong way. Every time he wouldn't come home my solution was to kick him out. I didn't know what else to do. if he didn't want to be in a good home with a family, I couldn't make him. I was a nag, my self confidence was nonexistent and I became a jealous mess. I was so scared to loose him that I preferred to kick him out. I guess after you suffer a loss you become more attached to people? We were treating each other horribly and with no respect. The sad thing is I think we could have probably made this work but now so much has occurred that there is no going back. I think my first mistake was I didn't give myself enough time to get over my husband's death before I entered this new relationship and all the baggage and my insecurities spilled into this relationship. For the past 6 years I have carried guilty concerning my husband's death, that I am finally dealing with. I am trying to get over this break up in a more positive manner than I did my husband's death. I'm working out, going to therapy and no men! I want to be the successful, confident woman that I was before my husband died, not this insecure mess that this new man knew. We have been broken up for 3 months now. I think I'm over the anger and disappointment. I just want the regret and love to go away! I wanted this relationship to have meaning.

Comments for Will I ever be happy again?

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May 12, 2014
I Get It
by: Bob

I know what you're talking about. I lost my office last week.

Apr 08, 2014
Will I ever be happy again?
by: Doreen UK

I am sorry for your loss of your husband to murder. I admire your Integrity in telling it how it is and taking responsibility for the mistakes you made and holding the other man accountable also. We can all act inappropriately during grief and it is not uncommon to want to be in a relationship again after you had closure on your husband's trial. You thought you were doing the right thing. It is not as if you set it up this way. You wanted a genuine relationship and with you being bereaved is no reason for the man you met to behave the way he did by staying out till the early hours of the morning. He could at least have put your mind at rest and not wait till you threw him out.
When my husband died 23 months ago of a deadly cancer I nursed him for just over 3yrs. I absorbed all my husband's anger at the cancer and his general emotional feelings. I became very over protective of him. I had issues for the first time with my two Adult Children. I couldn't sweep some things under the carpet and I confronted situations that didn't go down well. I lost my son after the funeral. We didn't get to grieve together. Sometimes in life things have to be confronted and there is no easy way to do this, without someone being hurt. As the Bible says. "Faithful are the wounds of a Friend." Things that have to be said that wound, but also in time bring healing.
Death, Loss, Bereavement can make us all act for a while the wrong way or out of character. But it is the ownership and the FORGIVENESS that is what makes honest relationships work.
I am glad you are going to counselling. Wise move. I did this many years ago before I lost my husband and it changed my life dramatically. I am more Whole and Healed now as much as one can be from therapy. I got my life back and trying to live it well. Don't give up counselling!. See it through to conclusion and you will be amazed at how well you Heal and Feel after this journey. You will be able to move forward better and perhaps build lasting fulfilled relationships that work and not cause frustration. The timing has to be right also for relationships to work better. Thank you for your honest post that Blessed me. I wish you all the best in life and a recovery from grief that gives you back your life. You will be Happy again! Don't give up Hope of this!. Best wishes.

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