Will I ever get over it?
I lost my mum January this year. I have been away travelling for the past 2 years in Australia, and was due back in June. Mum had been depressed and an alcoholic for a few years but would get better and worse.
I was trying to skype home at xmas and she struggled to talk to me xmas day. That was the last time I spoke to her.
The next thing I get a phone call to say she is in a coma and they dont think she will wake up.
I made the horrific 30 hour flight home and went straight to the hospital. Within a few hours she was one.
We didnt want to siwtch the machines off but she wasnt coming back and she looked so uncomfortable.
The hardet decision myself and my siblings had t o make.
With all the funeral plans the next week was a blur. I hadnt seen friends and family for 2 years so it was crazy.
I went to see mum in the chapel of rest which scared me but I couldnt say goodbye without seeing her again.
The funeral was a blur, I dont know how I did it.
A few weeks later I flew back to Australia where I live with my partner.
I was ok but every few weeks I would loose it and be uncontrolable. This went on for a few months and then my partner had a chat with me and it stopped for a while.
Now we are talking about her headstone and Im back at square one. Been crying every night, cant et mum put of my head and the fact i will never see her again.
We went through some tough times with the alcohol and other things. I thought she was better but I couldnt have been more wrong.
I know that she isnt suffering anymore but it doesnt really help.
Now I find that its affecting everything I do, I feel so down all the time and cant remember the last time I laughed or really enjoyed myself.
I am constanlty homesick and just keep thinking of my friends and family and how much I wish they were here.
My partner is great and trying hard but doesnt completly understand what im going through.
Any advise would be massivly appreciated.