Will I ever get over it?

I lost my mum January this year. I have been away travelling for the past 2 years in Australia, and was due back in June. Mum had been depressed and an alcoholic for a few years but would get better and worse.
I was trying to skype home at xmas and she struggled to talk to me xmas day. That was the last time I spoke to her.
The next thing I get a phone call to say she is in a coma and they dont think she will wake up.
I made the horrific 30 hour flight home and went straight to the hospital. Within a few hours she was one.
We didnt want to siwtch the machines off but she wasnt coming back and she looked so uncomfortable.
The hardet decision myself and my siblings had t o make.
With all the funeral plans the next week was a blur. I hadnt seen friends and family for 2 years so it was crazy.
I went to see mum in the chapel of rest which scared me but I couldnt say goodbye without seeing her again.
The funeral was a blur, I dont know how I did it.
A few weeks later I flew back to Australia where I live with my partner.
I was ok but every few weeks I would loose it and be uncontrolable. This went on for a few months and then my partner had a chat with me and it stopped for a while.
Now we are talking about her headstone and Im back at square one. Been crying every night, cant et mum put of my head and the fact i will never see her again.
We went through some tough times with the alcohol and other things. I thought she was better but I couldnt have been more wrong.
I know that she isnt suffering anymore but it doesnt really help.
Now I find that its affecting everything I do, I feel so down all the time and cant remember the last time I laughed or really enjoyed myself.
I am constanlty homesick and just keep thinking of my friends and family and how much I wish they were here.
My partner is great and trying hard but doesnt completly understand what im going through.
Any advise would be massivly appreciated.

Comments for Will I ever get over it?

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Aug 09, 2012
I know!
by: Phyllis Pickett

the pain & grief of a loss of your family is so hard, I have lost both my parents & miss them everyday, but the worst thing that can happen to a mother happened to me, I lost my youngest son, he had just turned 39 to alcohol & drugs, The last year o his life was so hared many hospitals & detoxes,@ surgeries on his esophagus for bleeding out, he also had hep c which had already damaged his liver so much yet he still drank, he started bleeding the 3rd time & the Drs had told him the 3rd time he would not make it, I rocked him in my arms, his pretty curly auburn hair on my shoulder for the longest time as the were getting ready to fly him out, kissed him over & over told him how much, Prayed out loud & begged God to save my son, He called me on the phone as he went into surgery & told me, Gotta go Mom! Oh I know your pain it has been 8 mths I still cry everyday, It still seems like a night mare, I can hardly go on with out him my other children need me though, so I do my best, I take meds, & pray constantly for God to take my boy in Heaven & to help me accept this, I will pray for you, just know that you will see each other again in Heaven, thats all that keeps me going!

Aug 09, 2012
Will I ever get over it?
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of your mother. You were doing what is normal. Getting on with your own life. You kept in contact with your mother which means you did not abandon her or ignore her. Because your mother suffered depression and alcoholism she wasn't aware she was pushing people away from her or making it difficult to maintain a balanced contact with her. As parents we want to allow our Adult children to go on and lead their own lives but also keep them close to us. You came home to see your mother not expecting the outcome you got. You didn't get to say the things you wanted to say to your mother. You will have to grieve this. It is a loss. You may feel guilt. But this also is part of grief and will not last. Your heart is broken. You probably wanted a normal relationship with your mother but her illness made this difficult for you and your siblings. My mother was an alcoholic. Pity help anyone who called her this. They would be afraid. I know how difficult life can be living with an alcoholic. As family we are too close to benefit that person. It has to be done as specialist care. Even maintaining contact from a distant would make the alcoholic suspicious and have mood swings and behave badly. Depression does not help. It is an illness by itself and is made worse by alcohol. Living in this environment would make everyone else ill and suffer emotionally. By staying away from the depressed person and alcoholic can make the person feel alone and drink more and become depressed more. But it also is harmful for those who stay around such a person. there is no easy way to live with this illness without it affecting everyone. You can't afford to feel guilty. It is very painfull to see a mother in this condition and you can't help her. She can't see what she is doing to herself and others around her. So some family members distance themselves from the problem. When the person dies everyone is thrown into chaos. Don't beat yourself up about what could have been. CHOICES are made for the best reasons and benefit of everyone in the same way one would not stay around an infectious disease. You would isolate yourself from this. I hope that you will allow yourself to grieve and come to a serene place knowing that your mother is not suffering and doesn't know what is going on now it is as if she is sleeping and at peace. She would in her right mind want her children to be happy, safe, and FREE. YOU WILL GET OVER IT!!!! in time.

Aug 08, 2012
put yourself together
by: sandman

i understand it must be hard for you to go through all this toughness, but hey, don't forget your mom now is in a better place, and i'm sure she still loves you as much as she'd ever been. it's unfair you drowned your life in this mass sadness, this way leades to madness trust me.i've seen so many once strong men spent what's left of their lives in
a blackhole which sucked their souls to oblivion just because they couldn't cope with a past and did't have the courage to start a new one. it's not your fault ok? try go to the local charity, be with people, listen to their stories, help whatever you can. remember god's love.

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