Will I ever get over this ?

by Bluebell

First, can't believe how many people have been through similar situations, as I have felt so alone with all of my pain...
My story : went out with the love of my life for 3yrs, I split up with him because my parents didn't think he truly loved me, so I put him to the test.. I lost.. I have to say though, he is 2 yrs younger than me, which at the time proved to be our downfall, he wasn't mature enough, I guess to commit to me.
Anyway, fast forward 28yrs, and I get a message from someone I used to know when I was about 16, had briefly dated, on Friends Reunited, to be honest I nearly deleted the message, cos you know.. weirdo's and all that.. anyway, something made me look.. bottom line he was working with my first love, and had contacted me on his behalf, my first love unfortunately had never really used a computer??? I can honestly say my world turned upside down when I heard from him (even though it was through another person), many people have mentioned how the emotions and feelings all came back as if it was the day before, and hit them like a ton of bricks, for me it was the same... so, I started a 'menage a trois', because I had to talk to my love through a third party?? how strange is that?? anyway, it seemed to work, we were able to tell each other how we had felt, and how we both still feel, we were both surprised to know we both felt the same way.. and on my part, the happiest I have ever felt in my life...
So, ofcourse we took the next step, and we met, we spent a glorious night together, it was pure bliss... like many have said, as if no time had come between us, like it was just yesterday, and we both felt it was meant to be .. both so sad that we felt we had been robbed of 28yrs we could've had together...
Beautiful phone calls and texts continued, our vows to never loose each other again .. but, (always seems to be one of those..) we are both in relationships, and neither of us are that unhappy, just not the same love as we have and will always have for each other ...
A 'rogue' text from me went astray, and he got scared, his partner could've seen it, she didn't, but we came close ...
I was in shock to say the least, because the text hadn't actually been sent that night by me, it had been delayed in it's sending,(an act of God you might think?) and he received it when he was with his partner, the text I got from him was shocking.. "I just got a text from you, thanks for that, don't ever text me again".. well I'm sure most of you can imagine how I felt..
I wrote a letter pleading with him to let me know if his partner had seen the text, and to let me know if all was ok for them, I didn't want to be responsible for breaking them up..
I eventually got a text, his partner luckily hadn't seen the 'rogue text' (which bears the question: if he knew his partner hadn't seen it the second he got the text, how could he leave me in agony for 2 weeks before he let me know, is that something you do to the 'love of your life'?..) he went on to say that although he will always love me, "he can't harm anyone else and couldn't have all of this hanging over his head"... that was 18 months ago.. the last I heard from him...
I always told him I didn't expect him to leave his partner, as I wouldn't leave mine, but just wanted to keep in touch 'just in case' because we never know what happens in our lives ...
I did try to keep in touch with our 'mutual friend', and asked him to let me know how my love was/is, but then in the end decided this was a stupid thing to do, why try to keep in touch with someone who doesn't want to be kept in touch with.. and to be honest whenever I heard from 'our mutual friend' it would bring all of the emotions back again, so I cut my ties and losses with him too, I need to heal, I don't know if that will ever be possible, if you can't get over someone in 28 years then chances are you'll never get over them...
I still think of him every day, not every minute of every hour, like at first, but every day... just wonder what it all means some days... why me? why us? and when will it ever end....

Comments for Will I ever get over this ?

Click here to add your own comments

Apr 11, 2012
reply to Judith in California
by: Bluebell

Thank you Judith, I appreciate your comments, and I do understand what you are saying...
I must admit many of your words have gone through my mind more than once, and I have gone through all of this over and over and over.
I often wonder what possessed me to get 'swept away' by him, the answer is simple, I love and loved him, it wasn't a snap decision, it was thought about and agonized over.. but at the end of the day it was a very selfish thing we both did... we did talk about hurting our loved one's many times, but in the end still chose to go ahead with our 'affair'... we didn't 'resist temptation' and we 'got away with it' and no-one was hurt (except ourselves), but I don't think it's that simple, because I obviously cannot get over it, for one reason or another, the guilt for one thing is enormous, and as you can see by my finding this site, I have felt like I have been grieving.. I know this is nowhere near how it feels when there is a death, but for me it has been a loss never-the-less, and then because of the situation there is only one other person I can share these feelings with, and he's gone .. again ...
But now that it's all over and done with, the agony continues, but I will never tell my husband, even though some might say I should, I know it would devastate him, and I cannot do that, being selfish again, as I cannot loose him too... you and others may think I don't deserve him, and you may be right...
To be very honest, I would never have thought I would've been capable of doing something like this, I have always scorned people that cheat, and now I say nothing, I don't judge, and unfortunately I understand ...
Thank you again for your comments, they all really help ...

Apr 10, 2012
You will But it Won't be the Same
by: Judith in California

A perfect example of why you don't "go there" again. When are folks going to learn to "Yield Not to Temptation" ? We can't go back. We aren't the same kids we were in school. We aren't supposed to be married and be unfaithful and still be the same person we were before. WE are guilty and regretful and disappointed in ourselves for we thought we were stronger than that. We can't ever take back the hurt we caused someone.
We can't ever get back the trust we used to have. Our marriages will never be as comfortable or make us feel secure with the one we loved and were supposed to love us . Our vows will have no meaning anymore. WE must mature and know that when we give our word we must keep it. For we are only as good as our word. It's what gives us Character. For better or worse.

Apr 10, 2012
by: Bluebell

Thankyou for your comment... I don't think I expected sympathy, perhaps just understanding, from people that I noticed have had similar experiences.
I understand your opinion, and would've had the same one myself before this happened.
I too have grieved for family members taken too soon, and in no way was I inferring my pain is in any way more than someone who has lost a loved one to a death. I know what that feels like too.
I have lived a good life, and don't think this 'infidelity' makes me a bad person, maybe a stupid one, but not bad.. I know I will get over it, just not today.. and I do realise what I have...
I am sorry for your loss, my heart goes out to you.... and I thank you for your comments, believe it or not, they have helped.

Apr 09, 2012
Will I ever get over this>
by: Anonymous

You will get over it. This is an example of how unwise it is to engage in infidelity. Some of us are mourning the losses of close ones, children, spouses and others who have lived good lives, sometimes too short and are gone forever. and we grieve for them sorely. See a therapist and it will help you.
Sorry but not much sympathy from me in this situation.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Lost Relationship.

[?]Subscribe To This Site
  • follow us in feedly
  • Add to My Yahoo!
  • Add to My MSN
  • Subscribe with Bloglines

RSS Feed Widget


Tap into the compassion, support and wisdom of the


Essential Healing Guide

Grief Relief

Free Griefwork

Free Stress

SBI Video Tour!