Will it ever slow down?

(Salt Lake City)

I lost my best friend to suicide in 2007. I slowly came over the pain and later that year I lost my Maternal Grandmother to cancer. Not just cancer though, to the doctors that messed up and failed to stitch her correctly resulting in a fast spread of the disease. I soon lost 9 brothers in arms in Afghanistan in 2010. Then I overcame that and a few years later in February 2012 I lost my Paternal Grandfather who raised me for 23 years. He was my biggest loss. I still can't cope with it. And guess what? Same situation with my Grams. Same stupid hospital different doctor. I hate them all for taking them from me. Then, 2 weeks ago in October 2013 my nephew was diagnosed with Ducheness Muscular Dystrophy. Not even a year old in a week later he passed away due to his body not handling the anesthesia during surgery. And 3 days after that? Another death. I cant take it anymore. I dont want to continue everyday knowing around the corner I'll lose another.

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Nov 10, 2013
Will it ever slow down?
by: Doreen UK

I am so sorry that you had a difficult counselling experience and that you couldn't continue.
In counselling you have to get the right counsellor. My experience was so very painful that I felt as if someone had taken a scalpel to my soul and I was bleeding to death. I would go home disoriented and not able to process anything. then go back the next week for another dose and feel the same pain all over again. But it couldn't feel any worse than when I first went in very desperate and unable to go on in life. I was also very sceptical and didn't know this counselling would work because of my desperation. Then all of a sudden I woke up one day and felt better like I have never felt before. As if someone gave me my life back in a way that I was happy for the first time in my life. It is the most amazing experience. I felt a WHOLE PERSON. there are not enough words to describe how I feel. This was expensive, but the best investment I ever made in my life. the healing is indescribable. I wish everyone could have this experience from counselling.
Because you felt all your losses at that time is only because they were repressed and came to the surface for resolution. One has to be very brave to go through that pain. But the Healing from this therapeutic work is the most amazing experience if one is able to see it through. I am so sorry for what you went through and hope that you can find some way to heal from all your losses. Best wishes.

Nov 09, 2013
Thank You
by: Anonymous

Thank you for your support. I have seen a grief counselor and I felt as though I was reliving each death all at the same time so I quit going.

Nov 09, 2013
Wil it ever slow down?
by: Doreen UK

I am so sorry for all the losses you have experienced in life. It is understandable that you may not have the energy to keep going on in life. Joylynn is right. You go into shock and disbelief, and I think this does help us to process our losses better. If you are able to go into counselling this may be beneficial to you. I repressed all my losses and suffered depression. In my 40's I went into counselling and resolved 40yrs. of losses in 4yrs. I am a different person and feel a WHOLE PERSON now. Not fractured as in all my life. I just lost my husband of 44yrs. 18 months ago to a deadly terminal cancer and I coped better with this loss. Of course I still have some bad days. What I did was what I learned on this site. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. I then took to the couch for 6 months and NURTURED myself back from grief. Not all of us can do this. I am retired from work so I was able to do this. IT HELPED tremendously. I then was able to change my FOCUS. When you don't feel like not doing anything then DON'T. Let your body catch up with your mind and emotions. Don't stay in that hard place. Do something about it. It is how we NURTURE ourselves through our grief that helps. Often when anyone has had many losses and can't cope counselling is the best method of support. I do often wonder who will leave my life next. Death is always with us and part of our life and often another loss is just one too many.
I have a strong Faith in God and this is what helps me the most. God is the one who carries me on each day. without this support I would not want to be in this world. I would see no point. Jesus is coming back to this earth for us. He will destroy death forever so that man may never die. Man only dies now is because of living in a fallen sinful world. We have to dwell here till Jesus comes to take us home according to our Faith and God's Promise. I will see my husband again and this is my HOPE. Try and find a way to live with your losses with God in your life, and HOPE. Without HOPE we are all lost.

Nov 08, 2013
slowing down
by: Jolynn

You must really feel overwhelmed. That is an incredible amount of losses for you which equals an incredible amount of pain. It is, of course, understandable that you have fear and anticipation of the worst. I am sorry you have had to deal with all this, no one should have to suffer so. I lost my 26 yr old son 1 year ago. He was an officer in the Marines training to become a fighter pilot. He was my Hero. For a couple of months, shock and denial helped me cope, but then I had to face the grim reality that my child was gone forever. It was and is an excruciating loss. I have forced myself to see a grief counselor, and go to a support group. I go out with friends every week. I see movies even when I don't want to. I do not isolate. If I'm alone too long I dwell on it all and get myself really upset. We are dealt some horrible things sometimes and we cannot help that but we can choose how we deal with it. You almost have a phobia I'll bet and you probably need to retrain your brain and give it some different self-talk. When u get an intrusive, fearful thought. Close your eyes and picture a restful, beautiful place. Concentrate on your breathing You can't do that and have fear at the same time. I learned relaxation techniques in nursing school, maybe something like that will ease your thoughts, and it does help and can help get you to sleep as well. I wish for you, peace of mind and help in processing your grief.

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