Will this pain EVER end?

by Desiree Taylor

I lost my mother on November 14,2011.I miss my best friend, everyday I still think I need to call her and let her know how my day is going, and then I realize. My mother had a laugh that was contagious,and a voice you could hear for miles. She loved to make me happy. Being that I was her only child. My father passed when I was 6 yrs old. She dedicated her life to me, and working to take care of me as a single parent. We never had much but what we did have she had worked very hard to get. On October 24 my mother became ill, taking her to the nearest hospital "thinking" its the FLU. To my surprise she was in septic shock from a horrible UTI immediatly admitted in intensive care. Within 11 days things began to improve she was moved into the step-down unit. On the "road to recovery" I thought. Until a horrible rash appeared on her back, legs and arms, and over the next 2 days continued to spread. She was then transported to another facility for better care. That was when I was faced with a room of 50 doctors it seemed. All explaining to me what it could be, what it should be. My mother was my ROCK I looked to her for support, love, and guidence. In 35 years I dont think I ever really stood on my own two feet, and here I am. Feeling like a child, faced with so many issues, people, and decisions. Within 10 days my mother had passed away from complications of an allergic reaction to the medications she was given. She died a HORRIBLE and PAINFUL death. I know that we are ALL going to pass in this world its our fate. I have accepted that. But the suffering that goes on is what I am having a hard time understanding. I dont understand why? WHY did it have to be so horrible ? I miss her everyday. People keep saying it will get better, but it has'nt. Thank you for letting me share my grief.

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Mar 31, 2012
I lost my mom around the same time...
by: Mike

Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my mom in August 2011. She died all alone in her home, on the night before her 72nd birthday. I am 36. She was a brave, strong, and wonderfully kind woman. She was my best friend. I am surfing the web tonight because, like most nights, I am crying inconsolably. I don't know what to do to get over this...I want to talk to her so badly like I would every day. My mom suffered terribly for years...her lupus and arthritis caused her body to deteriorate very over the last 20 years of her life. However, she continued working, helping people, and rarely let it show that she was even in pain. She was always positive and upbeat. I don't know how she did it. I try to gain strength from her memory, but mostly it makes me so sad. I hope you can get past the death of your mother; I'm having a very hard time myself.

Mar 28, 2012
for sandra
by: Anonymous

Sandra in 9 days it will be a year since i lost my precious mother to cancer 13 days after being diagnosed with it. I also watched my beautiful mother go through the pains of hell in her last few days of life. She tried to hide because as her usual style she tried to protect me as i was her only child. I feel more and more pain each day as i tell bpeople i am doing wonderful because i don't want to tell them the truth or hear their stupid advise about she is in a better place u need to move on......so i just don't share anything. People can't understand our pain unless they have watched it happen. I would have traded places with her in a heart beat. I prayed to God to please take me and not her. I told God why was he punishing her with a horrible death she was a w good person maybe he was punishing me for something i must have done even though i thought i was a good honest person who never hurt anyone. Now i don't pray and i have a hard time believing my faith is shattered i am in shock and amd numb even after a year. I would do anything to see her one more time. She held my hand up ubtil her final moment of life. I never left her bedside 24/7 for 13 days. It is still like a bad dream that i am waiting to wake up from. I still expect her to be home when i arrive. I understand your pain because u are me in everything that u describe. Nothing helps me to feel better. I just want her back. I am jeaulous when I see her friends and think why my mother why me why so quick.

Mar 27, 2012
still sad....
by: Sandra

It has been 8 months since my mom died from suffering in so much pain from terminal cancer. I still cry everyday and just when I think I am feeling better, I have a day where I wake up and can't stop crying all day, and have to call in sick from work. It was the hardest thing to come to her house and hear her crying in pain from the driveway. My mom was so full of life and had an amazing sense of humour and loved to have fun. I used to be like her before she got sick and died, but now I don't know if I will ever be that way again. People who have not gone through the death of a cherished mother do not and cannot understand the grief and pain we are going through. This website has been an amazing help to me through my grief. It is amazing to know that so many others share similar stories and feelings.

Mar 24, 2012
by: Sarah:)

when i read this i cryed because i know what its like to wake up in the morning and still not have your mom. Some days i think i'd give any thing to see my mom agian , to walk through her front door to be held in her arms to see her smile ect..... my mom didnt go like yours my mom committed suicide. its been 5 years and i still cry every day. i buried her when i was 23. they say i gets better with time and its got a little better for me but you have to talk about it alot. I'm very sorry for your loss! what helped me at the beginning was to try and see her in my dreams and i know that sounds silly but i would think and pray about her until i'd fall asleep and i found myself dreaming of her more. bless your heart!

Mar 24, 2012
Gone through the same.
by: Roops

We also thought my mom has jaundice wen she walked into a hospital to get her Reg tests done. Little did I know I wont come out of the hospital with a smile. She had last stage cancer. N three weeks later I saw her go. I too can't get it out of my mind. I love her the most in this world n never ever even dared to think that she ll go so soon. M totally lost.n it's going to b 11 months now. M the only child so feel I should b strong for my dad but can't help myself. Every day seems a struggle to go thru. Feel happy wen the day ends that at least one day less away from her. N the mornings r terrible wen it hits u as soon as u wake up.

Mar 23, 2012
I feel like you
by: Anonymous

My mother has been gone for eleven and a half months. We thought it was the flue she died 13 days later of what was misdiagnosed ovarian cancer. I was also an only child. My mother also had a horrible horrible painful death. I am in such agony and can't stand her loss nor understand how they missed her cancer. I wonder what I did wrong in life to be punished like this. We were regular decent people we never hurt anyone in our lives. The memory of her death is etched in my brain. I don't think i will ever get over the sight sounds and horror of her dieing. People who have not experienced this can't relate to us in any way shape or form. This is not the way it should be i am so lost and devastated words can't describe my pain.

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