I fell in love with a man who said he was getting a divorce. He convinced me his relationship was over. He moved in with me, cheated on me with her. I cried and cried and fell into depression when I found out how long he had known her and the extent of their relationship because I already loved him, he made me love him. She harassed me and stalked him by phone and in person still we didn’t let go. She refused to sign divorce papers for a year or more. I knew I couldn’t let go of him. He went back and stayed with her several times for several days throughout our relationship. He caused me great grief depression and suicidal thoughts. I’d be overjoyed when he came back. I never fell in love with anyone before him. He got injured severely. I took care of him but I continued to express anger or unforgiveness for what he had done to me. I see where I failed. We got married I changed my name to his I felt we were married from the time he moved it. I feel like I have loved him forever. I have a lot of guilt and regrets. I continued to drink and get drunk from time to time. I continued to get jealous and say things I didn’t mean. I got drunk one day and started flirting with some guys that were at our house. He beat me and then left me. I found out he was at his ex’s house and moved back in with his ex. He has not spoken to me in more than a month. The grief is severe. He took all his stuff and my cat. I lost my cat too. I so hurt I can’t express it. I’m going through all the stages of grief. I thought we became family and I would have him in my life forever. Maybe I was wrong all along to try to make him my husband and didn’t know it. I just loved him so much that I thought that made it right, I don’t feel I can love any other man. I know I never met anyone like him in the 34 years I was alive without him. Now I’m 38 and alone. It is horrible when someone you love and bonded with and become close to will not speak to you. I hope this pain will end.