wish she was here

by Marissa
(South Africa)

Mom passed on 10/02/13 suddenly heart attack blood clot through her heart never had heart problems but the worst is she could have been saved if incompetent state hospital and doctors had just cared enough or my father had phoned me to let me know she was in hospital and not waited till she told him to tell us me and my brother she loved us, he waited 9 hrs before letting me know but found the time to phone another young couple friends of my parents and let them go to the hospital my mom passed with none of her children there, during this time the state doctors told my mom she only had a wind she suffered for 10hrs without even getting pain medication, people say money can't buy love but this is the 2nd person I've lost to the states lack of care my brother died when I was 16(I'm now 37 my mom was only 60) due to injuries sustained in a bus accident they were initially were going to airlift him to a hospital but the moment they found out my parents had no medical aid it was by ambulance a 7hr drive to a state hospital with neurosurgical facilities he died 10minutes after arrival this is the fate of so many families in South Africa(also one of the countries with the largest per ratio healthcare state budgets but who fail due to corrupt beauracratic officials) for who aren't wealthy enough to afford pvt hospitilization so money can't buy love but it can buy your life and as far as I'm concerned if you are atleast alive you can find love later and no it's not a race thing poverty is like aids it doesn't see race or sex most times it's just the luck or unluck of your birth I've managed to escape but I wasn't wealthy enough to save my mother and the irony of all this is that my parents didn't have a funeral policy and the funeral cost us more than what a pvt doctor at a pvt hospital would have charged had my father contacted me earlier, to say I'm bitter is an undestatement my father was often emotionally and physically abusive of my mother who always found excuses for his behaviour just the day before my mom passed they were at my home and he was ranting and cursing her for being stupid and useless I remembering telling my mom Icouldn't handle the way he treated her she said that she'd been praying and read her bible and the message she'd received is that God would make him fit for her with time (theyve been married for 40years like thats not enough time) I still remember wanting to say to her what if there is no more time but thought just keep quite for peace sake the next day she died, so to all you women out there who think an abusive man can be changed if you love him enogh don't be fools a leopard doesn't change his spots he just learns to hide better strangers who meet my dad for the 1st time think his wonderful which he can be till you think or say someting he doesn't agree with especially if he thinks you are of no use to him financially then only does the monster appear like all bullies he preys on those he thinks are weaker be it emotional or financial I know I'm ranting but my mom desererved so much better than she got I wish I could have had ha more time with her so that I could have made the money to make her d financially independant and given her everthing she deserved I love you moeksie I know you're better off where you are but I'm selfish I want you here love nantjies

Comments for wish she was here

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Apr 30, 2013
Incompetent Care
by: Anonymous

Rose Mary I am sorry for your loss of your mom and for the cover up by the medical professional nurses. They should have been reprimanded and faced ACCOUNTABILITY.
In 2005 my husband had ENCEPHALITIS. His weakness in the legs was dismissed by the GP till he got worse daily and almost died. If we didn't use our initiative and get him to the hospital he would have died. I challenged the doctor about weakness in the legs being overlooked and this is a serious sign he should have picked up on. His lady doctor he sent out was more irritated at climbing the stairs and told my husband to get out of bed he didn't need to be there. I challenged all doctors taking them to the highest authority in our land. I challenged the paramedic who was rude and told my husband to come down the stairs on his bottom. When he got to the door he collapsed. She said she couldn't pick him up because of HEALTH AND SAFETY regulations. they called for a regular ambulance where the exchange said. "This is a genuine Case." Time passed my husband became more ill. Transferred to another big hospital and he
was in intensive care. I was so ANGRY for better healthcare for my husband. I fought a hard battle challenging all doctors involved in my husband's care. And addressed letters to the Practice Manager. The doctor then came to our home. APOLOGISED that mistakes were made. They took responsibility and my anger went. I know how you feel. My husband died of cancer 1yr. ago on Sunday and in his care there was negligence. I was left angry but too weary and grief stricken to fight anymore battles.
I have so many things that leave me so angry. The latest is having workmen steal my husband's carpentry tools from the garage perhaps thinking He wouldn't be needing them. GOSH I AM AS MAD AS H--L. They were precious tools and I wanted to keep them. His work tools of his trade for years.

Apr 29, 2013
incompetent care
by: Rose Mary

I am so sorry for what you experienced. I lost my Mom to a stroke because the RN in the nursing home didn't recognize a stroke! She just left my Mom in bed and told my brother and I that is was not a stroke. My Mom wanted to live; but sadly by the time we got her to the hospital, we were past the 3-4 hour window to help someone with a stroke. My Mom died because of incompetent nurses. The nursing home covered up their mistake and the nurse and staff have all lied when the investigators came to the facility.
Its a tragedy for anyone to lose someone and even worse when it could have been prevented.

Apr 26, 2013
thank you Doreen
by: Anonymous

Thank you Doreen I know what you say is true and you've articulated almost exactly my moms feelings on marriage and the sanctity of it,I'm just bitter at the moment but I also know thats not what my mom would have wanted thank you for your understanding it really is helpful God bless

Apr 26, 2013
Marissa Change is Possible! Don't give up Hope.
by: Doreen U.K.

Marissa I have to do another reply as the space is never enough.
I wanted to address your poverty and also your anger.
You have every right to be angry with your father for not treating your mother right. You also have the right to have expected better for your life and for your mum. I wished this for my husband and father.
My father grew up in a cruel way with a cruel abusive father. My father was abusive. BUT. He cared for us his children in such a superb way we could never forget this. I had the insight to know of how cruel my father was treated and he couldn't help his abusive ways. He was a very unhappy man. I wished better for him. He missed out on REAL life as a result. We were very poor and mother never got her needs met so she divorced my dad when we were older and married. But we were torn between both our parents despite the abusive verbal communication. My parents believed in God and struggled to Change. But in God's realm. CHANGE IS SLOW. Change takes place over a lifetime. Some people are fortunate to be delivered from drugs or alcohol immediately and find God. But change in the character and personality is not so easy. it takes a lifetime which is why one cannot say a leopard can't change it's spots. God can Change a person's heart and character. But he needs the co-operation of the person who needs change. I thought I was a PERFECT PERSON. Until you have an encounter with God and get close to the Light who is God. Then one sees their imperfections and knows why they need God. This is not for everyone. But those who want God in their life and want to change however long it takes. Which is why God doesn't write anyone off. Not even your father. I hope you find God and give him your anger and your Life to follow in as your mum did. She is going to be happy when she sees you again in the afterlife. Be at Peace. Give your anger and unhappiness to God and let him change your heart from being angry. You are not going through anything I haven't struggled with myself. But Daily I WILL BE AN OVERCOMER. Best Wishes.

Apr 26, 2013
Wish she was here
by: Doreen U.K.

Marissa I am sorry for your loss of your Mom. I am also sorry for your lack of relationship with your father that has left you sad and unhappy for how your Mum spent her life with an abusive husband/father.
I am sorry for your loss of your brother and also for the sadness that this has left you with over the lack of proper care your brother and mother had from your medical services.
The medical services all over the world seem to be letting their patients down and a lot of this has to do with lack or funding and resources. My husband of 44yrs. died almost 1 yr. ago and he was let down badly and felt abandoned and neglected. I cared for him for 3yrs. with cancer before he died. The funeral expenses are so high now that it is a burden for many families. A person would have to save a lifetime for all we have to pay out. One struggles through life and in death also. We can never be out of debt even to bury our loved one's.
You are angry because your father was abusive and you wished better for your mother. Your mother believed in God so lived in hope of your father changing. But sadly your mother died before she could see or benefit from this change.
Often children of an abusive parent can see things differently from the parent suffering this abuse. Your mother would have had a love for your father that would have lived with the hope of change but also received the comfort of God. As a believer in God myself the Bible states that what God has joined together let no man separate. And the Bible tells us to be OVERCOMERS. I guess this is what your mum would have done. Daily becoming an OVERCOMER, as God commanded in the Bible. If your father was abusive to the state your mum found intolerable I guess she would have left. Or. Perhaps her financial position kept her with your father. There is a level of abuse many people can live with and a level which sees families slit up and divorce take place. Often there are elements in a persons personality and general character that is attractive and a wife sees this deeply. The children don't which is also a reason for OVERCOMING life's trials. God says that we are to not be unequally Yoked with an Unbeliever. We will suffer disharmony here. If your mother was a believer after she got married and your father wasn't, The Bible states that the unbeliever is Sanctified (covered) by the believing spouse. This leaves space for change. Otherwise how can a person be saved. Your mother would have kept her marriage vows for this reason so that your father could be saved and she see him again in Heaven. It is not as simple as you see it. There is a deeper level that your mother would have seen also. I did this for my husband. A good man. I lived with some intolerances. It was more important to me my husband was saved and I will see him again when Jesus comes back to earth for us.

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