On Aug 2, 2011 My husband of almost 3 years passed away suddenly by taking his own life. I long for him everyday it has been hard for me and I miss him so much. He was an amazing person, artist and educator. This was my first holiday with out him. Miss him much!
I feel so sorry for the sadness you express. Something higher than any other human being compelled him to do this. He was obviously troubled and nothing you could do would have changed the outcome. You are very early in your grief journey and I found the 6 month time was the worst for me. I lived every emotion possible and suffered in silence. My pain was private and I just wanted to be left alone. It has taken alot of hard work for me to go on after I lost the love of my life. It has been over 15 months and I still struggle with this loss.
Write to him, talk to him and he will hear you. Read what others have said and know that they understand your grief. If counseling is needed, don't be afraid to get help. There are many groups that offer a way to let out your pain. This site has been a godsend. It gave me strength when I didn't think I had it just knowing I wasn't alone. Find your faith, pray and keep writing. Take all the time you need to heal. The sadness gets lighter, the memories not so painful and life will go on. Remember, one breath, one step, one day at a time. Take care of yourself and you have my prayers.