Wondering what he is doing today....

by Dawn
(Kansas City, Missouri)

My husband died 2 months ago tomorrow of end stage liver disease. He was told on his 38th birthday most in his condition don't make it past 3 to 6 months, possibly a year. What kind of doctor tells a new patient that kind of news... basically you could die!

We didn't believe it.. yet here we are .. apart 3 months later after 4 summer hospitalizations in acute care settings ultimately leading to transfer to a university hospital where after 24 hours, internal bleeding started to take over.

My husband was a man who lived more life in 38 years than a lot who live to 88 years. He was so funny, wore his heart on his sleeve and just loved the people around him! He just understood.... got me and all I entail! Any wife would be jealous of the man I was given. The only thing I can be certain of is that "everything happens for a reason." I don't know what that reason is but the pastor at our funeral service made it very understandable that my husband was a "gift" for me as I possibly was for him.

We had only been together for 8 years, both second relationships after divorce, yet we didn't marry until 1 year prior (June '09) to his death. Two months ago tomorrow at the time I knew something happened for a reason, yet today I feel lost, stressed, lonely.... seeing his name this week for the first time on the mausoleum just "made it real"... all the sadness to this horrific event of life and what he went through, yet, I always wonder .... what is he doing today ... and what does God have planned for me now. . .