Wondering what he is doing today....

by Dawn
(Kansas City, Missouri)

My husband died 2 months ago tomorrow of end stage liver disease. He was told on his 38th birthday most in his condition don't make it past 3 to 6 months, possibly a year. What kind of doctor tells a new patient that kind of news... basically you could die!

We didn't believe it.. yet here we are .. apart 3 months later after 4 summer hospitalizations in acute care settings ultimately leading to transfer to a university hospital where after 24 hours, internal bleeding started to take over.

My husband was a man who lived more life in 38 years than a lot who live to 88 years. He was so funny, wore his heart on his sleeve and just loved the people around him! He just understood.... got me and all I entail! Any wife would be jealous of the man I was given. The only thing I can be certain of is that "everything happens for a reason." I don't know what that reason is but the pastor at our funeral service made it very understandable that my husband was a "gift" for me as I possibly was for him.

We had only been together for 8 years, both second relationships after divorce, yet we didn't marry until 1 year prior (June '09) to his death. Two months ago tomorrow at the time I knew something happened for a reason, yet today I feel lost, stressed, lonely.... seeing his name this week for the first time on the mausoleum just "made it real"... all the sadness to this horrific event of life and what he went through, yet, I always wonder .... what is he doing today ... and what does God have planned for me now. . .

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Oct 09, 2010
For Dawn
by: Mari

I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Your husband must have been a wonderful person. I know you have not had enough time to go through the grieving process and it is not easy to get through.I understand your concern as to the doctor saying what he said to your husband. I had the same experience and wondered too until later.

My husband had a heart attack and went to the hospital where I was working by ambulance. The doctor told him this,''You have had a heart attack and I hope you make it. You are being transferred to the heart hosp to have stents put in your heart and I hope you make it through that.'' He said it with compassion and I wondered why he even said that. Now I know. It was the gravity of the situation.

Well. He made it through the operation but passed away shortly after that. My heart aches as we had plans for my birthday and he was too sick to go anywhere. He passed on Nov 22nt. He told me he loved me and went to sleep and he looked peaceful and like an angel.

It has been almost 11 months and my heart aches still.

But my 12 yr old granddaughter summed it up real well. She wrote some notes to her grandpa. She asked how he liked heaven and said that she loved and missed him. Then she wrote another saying ,''Grandpa, are you walking by a crystal sea and what do angels look like? Is it really pretty in heaven? I miss you. ''

I feel that a 12 yr old had it pretty accurate. He is in heaven and does not have a heart condition anymore. He does not have COPD or diabetes or high cholesterol anymore. He is not suffering anymore.

I miss him so much but one day will see him again. Just have faith that you will see your loved one again. Remember just the wonderful things he said and did. Like my husband used to say,''I do love you, you know.'' Take care.

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