Words!! Words!!! Words!!!
by Liz Carthy
Excerpt "Whispers from Heaven" Beginning pain, when my pain was doing the writing.
Words! Words! Words! Where are you when I need you? Other times you seem to flow so easy. Where are you when I need to explain this very deep pain inside? Why do you fail me when I need you the most? You leave me with terrible words that sound so mean and nasty, and full of sadness, and anger. Lots of anger I have anger for losing a wonderful little boy who did not deserve to die and to die in such a terrible way.
All I can think about is yelling my brains out and punching out walls, and screaming, and screaming, and screaming. However, that will not do me any good because all the screaming, in the world will not bring Ryan back. *amn it, *amn it, *amn it. Words! Words! Words! What *amn good are you? No good. There has to be another way to describe this PAIN. What other words are there. . I am in this place deep inside myself where no one can come and no one wants to come I am sure. No visitors here. Who would want to come visit me there? I have no friends here just all this pain and me.
I wish I could give voice to the pain. Moreover, if I did make a sound, what would it sound like? I am scared of the sound it would make. It would make deep animal sounds! It would make wailing sounds like a wounded animal that was mortally wounded and about to die! I can hear the sound in my head and it sounds so sad. It sounds too sad to listen to. That place inside of me I am very much afraid of it. I am afraid of it because I am afraid I will not come back from that place and I am more afraid that maybe I will not want to come back.
Words! Words! Words! Where are you when I need you? Like most things, you fall very short when I need you the most. Words could never do my pain justice because they haven not come up with the right one yet.
There are no words. There is just pain.