by Distressed daughter

Dear Mum

I thought I had no more tears I was wrong.

Yesterday I was sorting out your clothes. The slippers you last wore in hospital they still smelt of you. I told them you did not feel well but they still got you out of bed. Resulting in a bad angina attack. COULD I HAVE DONE MORE ?

After you died relatives who never visited you came to see you (the nurse told me later)SHOULD I HAVE STAYED WITH YOU THAT NIGHT ? It seems so distrespectful that those who never visited you whilst you were alive were ghouls after your precious heart stopped beating.

Eternal love from your daughter who has no more tears.
Responses would be so appreciated.

Comments for WORSE FEW HOURS

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Sep 19, 2012
Worse Few Hours
by: Doreen U.K.

Dear Distressed Daughter,

I am sorry for your loss of your mom. One of the most painfull tasks is removing the personal belongings of the one we have loved and lost. I have had to do this for my husband who died over 4 months ago. His cowboy boots were still sitting by the front door for 4 months. I have just removed them. I have just removed my husbands coats and shoes from the hall and now in a black bag with all of his other clothes sitting in the spare bedroom ready for going to the charity shop. If I open the bedside cabinet drawer are all Steve's rings and bracelet. It is so very painfull. It is a sight that breaks my heart. Tears are all I have to express this pain.
It is a bit of an insult to you to now behold people now pay their last respects to your mom who they didn't respect enough in life to visit and keep in contact with. To ease your grief if I were you TRY and see this last act as those people caring enough to pay her a last respect. They probably did it for themselves to ease their GUILT. As part of our grief we will always look for things we could have said and didn't say. Things we could have done better. This is our human condition. WE CARE. We want to do things right. But we also have a duty of care to ourselves to live our lives independent of our parents when we reach a certain age otherwise the parents will think they failed. Write down all the positive things you did for your mom. Focus on the good and even if people acted with wrong motives and for the wrong reason. You look at it in the positive way and build on this. This will encourage you to go on in life and help you recover from your grief.

Aug 28, 2012
I understand your pain
by: Jenny

I'm so sorry that you've lost your Mom. My Mom passed 10 months ago and each day seems to congure another hidden memory.

Even though going through my Mom's closet was one of the harder task to do after her passing, it gave me a bit of comfort just being able to smell her scent again.

My heart goes out to you.


Aug 28, 2012
to: Distressed daughter

Dear Distressed daughter,

I feel you pain since my pain is also you pain. I have also lost my mum recently. Unfortunately, I had the opposite result than yours and still do know which one hurts most. Relatives who were near my mum everyday and have abandon me after she died that did not even care about my existence or yours that only came to visit her for the last time while on her difficult days you were there and they were not.

I was there near my mother that passed away in the hospital but I will tell you her dearest friend what she experienced. My mum's friend was not there when she passes but saw my mum in her dreams telling her goodbye. I am sure when your mum passed away her spirit came to see you for a last ferewell. Hope I ease your pain.

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