Would rather die than live the rest of my life without him

by Bobby
(Madison, WI)

I lost my father at 22, out of nowhere. I'm now 25, and it seems like it only gets worse as each year passes. I've lost the rock of my life- the one consistent thing that i knew in this chaotic world. I think each day.. how many years must I go through until I'm with him again... wherever that is? I pray that through the good that I do on this Earth, God will allow us an eternity, and even then forever may not be long enough. So many days the thought crosses my mind that there's no way I can complete this life, hurting each day for another 30, 40, 50 years or even more. I know I'm not the only one who's felt that the only honest and consistent love came from my father. I spend too many days asking God why take away the one person that gave me the love, guidance, and compassion that is nowhere to be found in the rest of the people who pass me by. I was never ready for this, and as hard as I've worked to become a strong person, and even as far as I have come.... I still cannot see with an honest eye how I can find peace. I've done the best I can, and I've worked so hard with only myself to rely on, in order to try and grow into the best man I'm capable of becoming. I just pray that I can find peace, and if not, take this life from me because this was never meant to be. No matter what they say, this was never ever meant to be.

Comments for Would rather die than live the rest of my life without him

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Nov 06, 2012
Thank You
by: Bobby

I've taken the time to reach through each of your comments. I don't have many opportunities to open up about my emotional turmoil, and it does so much good for my soul to read your words; to know that I am not alone. To hear about your loved ones, and the compassion you have for them even after they are gone comforts me, in knowing that we are all in this together. Your comments help me remember to pray, even as lost as I am these days. You've helped me to have hope and believe in the future. It will be a long journey for us all, without a doubt. You're all wonderful people for taking the time to write your thoughts. I pray for us all.

Nov 05, 2012
You will feel better
by: SK

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad when I was in my last year of university. He was my biggest supporter. He believed in me. He enouraged me. He never got to see me graduate from university, which was something that he really wanted to do. He was a single father raising 3 girls because our mother had abandoned us. He taught me that girls could do anything. He was an awesome dad. So I understand how you are feeling. When my dad died I wanted to drop out of school. I even bought the graveside plot beside him. I felt that my life was over and that I could not survive the pain. The pain was too much. Who would be there for me? Who would believe in me? Who would make me feel safe? To think about life without him was scary. I had dreams that he wasn't dead. I would feel so relieved. It would feel so real. I would wake up and realize that none of it was true. I eventually realized that my dad did not want me to live like this. He did not spend his life raising me for me to give up now. I made up my mind to keep going. Now it has been 13 years since my dad has died. I am married with 2 amazing children. I finished university and even went to college. My faith in God has been strengthened. I think back to when my dad died and the shock and pain that I felt. It was so unbearable. Today, it does not feel like that. I show my children pictures of their grandfather and tell them what he taught me. I do feel sad a little bit that they don't have a grandfather. But my life is really good and he would be so proud of me. I've accomplished many of the dreams and aspirations that he had for me. I am living the life that he would have wanted for me.

Nov 04, 2012
i know how u feel
by: bernadette

hello. i lost my mom august 19/ 2011. im supposed to be better they say but i am not. i know how you feel. im there too. you arent alone. keep talking to someone kind. let them listen. no one has the answers. we want them back pure and simple. i am so sorry for your loss. may the good lord have mercy on all of us. T

Nov 04, 2012
To Bobby
by: Anonymous

Hi Bobby, I hope everyday is getting a little easier. I'm 30 and lost my dad suddenly a little over a year ago. I, like you feel lost. I've been married since his passing now with a baby on the way and if not now, then someday soon you will also have a family of your own. Your father would have wanted that for you and you deserve the great joy and comfort it will bring. You need to try to focus on that future for yourself for you have an obligation to them to be just like the rock your father was. Make him proud. Talk to him and talk to God everyday and you'll see amazing things happen to steer you away from hurting so much every single day. I have to tell you I'm not Christian or Catholic so I don't believe praying to JC will help you at all, but there is a creator. One creator, if you look around you'll remember when you felt this was a intricate and beautifully thought out existence. You must trust this world is only a temporary place and will see your dad when you've finished living in his merit. Make sure to get counsel from a professional, work out, go out and do the things you love. I hope the advice helped, it reminded me of why I need to take my own advice. :) All the best to you! :)

Nov 03, 2012
He is always with you <3
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father almost a year ago, I was 22 now Im 23. Its horrible but I know that your dad is with you always with the angels in heaven and he wants you to be as happy as you can while you are on earth. The soul never dies and life is short, someday when you pass on he will be there to take you to heaven with him and you will be with each other again. He is happy with God free from the pain that we experience on earth. I was on the verge of taking my own life although I'm religious and I know its wrong until I read the book ANGELS IN MY HAIR by LORNA BYRNE and it really put things in perspective for me and put me in a better place. Please read it, I know your pain and pray to your guardian angels to help you through and they will help you. I love you keep on climbing never give up.

Nov 03, 2012
Would rather die than live the rest of my life without him
by: Doreen U.K.

Bobby I am sorry for your loss of the most precious man in your life, YOUR FATHER. You are still so very young with life in front of you and I know what you are saying about living another 30yrs. 40yrs. 50yrs. without your father in your life. For the present the PAIN OF GRIEF is HELL. I lost my husband 6 months ago to cancer. He lived 40yrs. with a deadly chemical asbestos in his body that grew into a deadly tumor. He could not be saved unless God gave him a miracle. I prayed hard for God to save Him. I have been angry with God for some time because some people get saved and some don't. I don't know why. I told God I would consider it very CRUEL if He gave me 10yrs. 20yrs. even 30yrs. of life without my husband. To live with such LONLINESS and MISERY is hard for us all when we lose a loved one from our lives.
Bobby part of living is dying and we are never prepared to lose those we love. But it will happen. It is so hard for our MIND, and EMOTIONS to COPE with our loss. But if you believe in God this is where our HOPE IS. You will see your father again. You will Heal from this PAIN of Grief. You will not suffer this awful pain you are in forever. God wouldn't allow it. It will take time for us all to HEAL. We just have to hold on as hard as it is. We have a destination. Eternal Life to come when Jesus comes back to earth to claim his own. You would benefit from grief counselling to help you over the worst of this pain so you can cope. counselling will take the edge off the pain of your loss so that your heart won't be so broken. We all feel the same way. I don't want to live without my husband. But I have no choice. God is going to ask me for an account of my life. God sent his Son Jesus to die for us so we can have eternal life. I couldn't take my life in a destructive way. God would hold me accountable for the life He gave me. So I have to go on whether I like it or not. Days are filled with LONLINESS as all my 3 Children are Adults now and living their own lives. Sitting here ALONE doesn't make sense, but then neither does hurricanes and earthquakes, and disasters that claim lives. I should at least THANK GOD for ALL the BLESSINGS he has given to me. May God Hold you in his arms and Comfort you and bring you the Peace you need in your loss, grief, and sorrow.

Nov 02, 2012
Putting Him First
by: Anonymous

I think God has done this same thing with me to show me to depend on Him before man so as not to violate his commandment. That said, I don't like it. In fact, if I am honest, I hate it with a passion. But, I guess, I can understand it now. I, too, dread all the years that may go by before we are finally reunited. I try not to dread it too much, though, as I start fearing God will next work on patience with me!

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