Writing in case it helps.
Early in 2012 I lost a niece who was 19 in a car crash, I was very close to her and her parenta and it was the most devastating thing to happen in my life. Four months later I sat watching my father die over the space of a couple of months, it didn't hit me so hard but I think I was locking grief away after the pain of the first death, Two months later my uncle died and closely after his wife, then my grandfather. After living my life with only grandparents dying over long periods between it all feels unbeleievable that I can experience so many deaths in such quick succession and am struggling to make sense of it and understand my own feelings. I'm also incredibly worried about my mother and not sure I could take another bereavment right now. It feels like only a matter of time before the phone will ring with news of another death. I suffer panic disorder and fight it by being positive but that is all but impossible with worry about other relatives and my own thoughts on death. It feels like nothing will ever be the same again and my life has been turned inside out. I'm writing this to vent because I find it difficult to open up to people or burden then with my worries - people have enough problems in their lives. I just hope for a year or two before anything else happens so I can at least have time to think.
Thank you for reading whoever you are.