Writing in case it helps.

Early in 2012 I lost a niece who was 19 in a car crash, I was very close to her and her parenta and it was the most devastating thing to happen in my life. Four months later I sat watching my father die over the space of a couple of months, it didn't hit me so hard but I think I was locking grief away after the pain of the first death, Two months later my uncle died and closely after his wife, then my grandfather. After living my life with only grandparents dying over long periods between it all feels unbeleievable that I can experience so many deaths in such quick succession and am struggling to make sense of it and understand my own feelings. I'm also incredibly worried about my mother and not sure I could take another bereavment right now. It feels like only a matter of time before the phone will ring with news of another death. I suffer panic disorder and fight it by being positive but that is all but impossible with worry about other relatives and my own thoughts on death. It feels like nothing will ever be the same again and my life has been turned inside out. I'm writing this to vent because I find it difficult to open up to people or burden then with my worries - people have enough problems in their lives. I just hope for a year or two before anything else happens so I can at least have time to think.
Thank you for reading whoever you are.

Comments for Writing in case it helps.

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Jan 11, 2013
Writing in case it helps
by: Doreen U.K.

I am sorry for your loss of niece, father, uncle,
aunt, and grandfather. Five deaths in rapid succession would make anyone feel panic and a dozen other emotions squeeze you.
You cannot handle this grief by thinking positive. Grief takes its own time to rear its ugly head and then slays us by yet other problems arising all at the same time. You will also find that any one of these deaths can trigger feelings in you that come to the surface and cause more anxiety. Then you may also lose people from your life by them walking away or staying away. So many different things happen to us when we lose someone. We may not have resolved a problem or difficulty and it is at this time it will strike and cause us more stress.
The best thing you could do for yourself is to get some Grief Counselling. This is very important when someone has had multiple loss. You would be better grieving each loss separately as often all these deaths can get tangled up and you feel all messed up and don't know how to untangle all your bottled up feelings and emotions. This is what the skill of a good counsellor will do for you. They work at a deep level and can help you over the grief. This is not something you can handle on your own. There is no shame in needing support in our grief. We all need this often. You are struggling and it won't get better on its own. Your Mom will also be in a vulnerable position grieving the loss of a husband and not to mention the other family members. I have just lost my husband to cancer 8 months ago and know how devastating this has been to me. You can also keep a journal and start writing out your feelings. This is also a very good way of getting the pain out of your system and grieving your losses. Writing is also very therapeutic. I hope that you have supportive extended family and also friends as this is also very helpful at such a time. I hope you will be comforted in your grief and sorrow.

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