xoxo big hearts

by Courtney
(New York)

I'm 18 years old and I unfortunately lost my dad to a life long battle with heart disease in June of 2011. I watched my dad battle this disease all my life. It was a struggle for him to do a lot of things, but he never let it show. He was always there, no matter what. my softball games, he was in the stands, if I needed help with my homework, he always had an answer. He was retired, so I spent everyday with him when I was little. I was out working in the dirt with him, or helping him cook, or even just hanging out watching tv. I always had that special bond with him, he always knew what to say, and how to make me and my mom laugh. Him and I shared a love for horses and its hard to carry on that love without him here. When I got into high school and more towards senior year, he got worse. My mom worked and eventually ran out of time she could take off, so I took my dad to doctors appointments and I came home everyday on my lunch from school to make sure he was okay. I gave up a lot of my "precious high school experiences" but I wouldnt trade it for the world. He went to the hospital in March and didn't end up coming home until June. He came home to attend my high school graduation and I cant explain how much that meant to me. I think after graduation he finally knew he could let go and that was terrible for me to see. He spent a week at home before he passed away and I was there everyday, which takes a toll on me mentally and emotionally to this day. It feels like a piece of you is missing and there is nothing that can ever replace it. I know he's proud of me and looks down on me everyday, but I just wish I had a few more days. There were so many things my mom, dad, and I wanted to do, as a family, and it hurts. I'll always be "daddy's little girl", and no one will ever take those memories away.

Comments for xoxo big hearts

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Jan 28, 2012
by: marky pars s/ wales

hi , i know its hard ,i lost my dad last july your letter has touched me , lost for words

take care
mark x

Jan 24, 2012
Big Hearts
by: TrishJ

You will definitely always be your daddy's little girl. He will forever love you and be with you.
I lost my husband 13 months ago. My daughter was just married last October without her dad to walk her down the aisle. It was a bittersweet day. I was sick inside not to have her dad with us.
My friend and I did a pictorial DVD of my husband's life. We played it just prior to the wedding. We all realized what a beautiful life he had and felt like he was there with us.
Hold on to your dad's memory. Make him proud. He knows what you are thinking and he's with you every day. The time will come when the two of you meet again but until that day he would want you to live your life to the fullest. Watch for the little signs that he is with you. My daughter got a "phone call" from her dad in a dream. She said it was real it was almost like he was right in the room with her. I believe he was.
God bless~I wish the best for you. My husband died of heart disease also. I know it's hard most days but we must learn to be thankful for the time we had that love in our lives. The problem is it was so sweet that it's hard to live without.
Hugs to you.

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