You Can't Give Up...

by Vickie
(CA)

It was around three yr's ago that I first visited this site. My darling daughter had been gone a year at that time. I lost her at the young age of 26. She had just celebrated her 26th birthday. She was killed in a car accident. At that time I didn't think I would survive another year of pain and heartache. I know that most all of you who are reading this...know the unspeakable pain of which I am talking about. There really are no words to describe it as you know.
I was really feeling alone and felt I was drowning in the darkness and loneliness that comes with this journey we have been thrown into. Friends and family seem to be there the first few months but as life moves forward ,so do many of them. I am sure most people have no real clue of how hard this private Hell can be for us. That's 'why' I came to this wonderful site. I felt for the first time I could share my true feelings. Shed my tears, my sadness and pain, and feel that someone out there would truly understand. I wouldn't have to worry about making them uncomfortable when I spoke of how much I missed her smile, her laugh...my child.

One day I received an email from a woman that had lost her son suddenly. That was two years ago. Since that first email we have become each others support through this journey. We have reached out to the other during the darkest of days. We remind each other of how we need to remain strong for our other loved ones. I can't begin to say how grateful I am to have this amazing friend and how blessed I am to have met her. We both believe that our children brought us together and are watching over us.

There are manuals and self help books for many things in life. Losing a child to me is the worst possible thing that one can suffer. There are grief books and faith that can help us through this, but having someone who has 'lived it' as you have I believe, is the best thing that can help. It was four years ago yesterday since I lost my beautiful daughter. I still have days that the tears come and my life seems so dark. I also have days that I can see the light again. Where I realize that I am laughing again or find myself looking forward to tomorrow. There is no magic wand to wave to bring our children back to us, our loved ones.But we can reach out to each other and Listen and Offer support though. As diffficult as this road is-we can't give up.

With gratitude for this site and for my wonderful friend and friends I have made here.








Comments for You Can't Give Up...

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Dec 12, 2013
he'll on earth
by: use. lynnii

Thank you for you for sharing your pain heartache. I lost my beautiful daughter two years ago still in denial cannot wrap my head around it she died in a car accident hitting a tree leaving behind three daughters she was only 36 my life has been changed forever the guilt pain and gut wrenching. Heartache are almost more than I can bear life can be so cruel lynn

Dec 07, 2013
Megans mom
by: Michelle

Tomorrow will be eleven months since we lost our 22 year old daughter megan. She was the poster child of awesome. Imagine us, a group of strangers with an unbreakable bond, sentenced to life. Guilt? Everyday I wake up breathing. I honestly can't believe my heart still beats. I miss her terribly everyday. May peace one day find us all.

Oct 06, 2013
I can't seem to do anything at all
by: Doreen UK

Jackie please let me address your post. I am sorry for your loss of your daughter at 32yrs. of age. This is one of the worst experiences of a mom's life. My youngest is coming up to 33yrs. and I couldn't bear to lose her. My heart reaches out to you in support. It is such early days of grief for you. You lost an Adult Child and it will always hurt. In time you will get to the place where the ache in your heart won't hurt so much. BUT. This is only possible by TAKING ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how I am getting through my 17 months of grief so far from losing my husband to cancer. If you know God then reach out to HIM. He will take you through this grief and give you it in small doses so you can bear it. All our children and loved one's belong to God first before given to us and so the heart of God hurts as much if not more than ours that He had to take our loved one's from us due to SIN on the earth. It was never in God's plan that we suffer like this. Our HOPE is of eternal Life where we will see our loved one's again according to God's promise where we will be re-united. Hold onto this HOPE. I watch the God Channel and I get all the support from God to help me go on each day. Do what works for you. I find immense comfort in the Heart of God who sustains us when we hurt to our core. In my early days of grief I couldn't do anything at all. I took to the couch for 6 months and nurtured myself back into life. When we grieve in those early days it feels as if it will last forever, but it doesn't. God gives us breaks in between. Triggers take place all the time that remind us of the one we lost and this makes us cry. But remember. After each tear shed we are healing and do feel better. In time you will find yourself cry less and you will be happy again in a new way. God will heal you deeply and you will have Joy again in life. Your loved one will be in your heart all the time. But you will feel joy and not sorrow. God will remove that sorrow. It will have done it's work of healing. Remember take ONLY ONE DAY AT A TIME. This is how you will get through the rest of your days. Give your struggles to God and let him carry the load.

Oct 05, 2013
For: Jackie
by: Vickie

Hi Jackie, I am so very sorry for the loss of your daughter. It is an extremely difficult road and my best advice to you at this time is to not look to far ahead. It can all be so overwhelming. I would be happy to talk with you more. I am leaving my email address and Please feel free to email me. I understand it hard enough to have lost your child and then find yourself reaching out to a complete stranger but I believe all of us here have a common thread. I imagine right now the simplest things seem so tiring and you are just going through the motions. Just know that as dark as it feels right now doesn't mean that your entire life will be that way. It is forever changed but that doesn't mean you have to give up Hope. Here is my email: vjh829@yahoo.com

You are in my prayers and I hope to hear from you,
Vickie




Oct 05, 2013
I can't seem to do anything at all
by: jackie

I read the beautiful words you wrote about your daughter and I had to write to you. I'm 50 and I just lost my 32 year old daughter 2 months ago. The pain or ache in the pit of my stomach is unbearable.I have never in my life sent a note to anyone on the internet besides family or friends but I know you understand this nightmare completely. I talk to friends and family but as much as they want to help they can't really. You said after 4 years now you still have days where you start crying. If you don't mind telling me are they often? I want just 1 day off from grief I know I won't make it 4 years like this.Do you remember how long it took you to feel real happiness again or when you were able to really enjoy something like going out to lunch? I'm sorry to burden you but I'm just so lost.

Oct 02, 2013
Thank you
by: Kate

Your words ring true,I am so thankful for this site to express the loss of my child , there are grief meetings to try and help you understand grief but no place to just pour out your sorrow like this one. I'm grateful for all on here who express raw feelings that we understand.this helps us stumble onward.
Thank you for true words.

Sep 23, 2013
You Can't Give Up....
by: Doreen UK

Vickie thank you for telling your story in a supportive way to those grieving a loss. I am so glad you found a one to one friend to support you and you to support her.
This is a good site and very supportive but I have always felt the distance being in another country. Most of the posts coming from America. Times I wished I could have gone round and spent time with everyone and given personal support which I feel would be helpful to those suffering from being ALONE. LONLINESS is hard. Often one can feel so alone you feel at the time you could reach out to someone for support and no one is there. Having a good friend to come out of this site is good and is very healing from grief. To maintain a friendship this way is rare. Often one can reach a point where emails stop and people move forward. This is hard. Thank you for sharing your post. Appreciated and it Blessed me. Thank You. Best Wishes.

Sep 21, 2013
Your words
by: Anonymous

Thank you.

Sep 20, 2013
You Can't Give Up
by: Pat J.Green Bay,WI

Dear Vicki,
You are so right about this site. No one judges and everyone on here truly ubderstands our grief.
I did not lose a child. Twenty seven months ago, I lost my husand to a massive heart attack the day after our 46th wedding anniversary. That ache in my heart remains today and feel it will always be there.
My husband was the third child his other lost. Forty one years ago she became a widow, at the age of 53. Twelve years ago she lost her oldest daughter at the age of 53 to cancer. She always told us losing her husband was hard, but losing a child is worse. Eight years ago she lost a son to cancer at the age of 51. My husband was the third child she lost. His family tells me she really went down hill after his death. She now has Dementia. She turned 93 on September 4th. Her 5 remaining children and their spouses were seated at a table, as was I. She looked around and asked where my husband was. Why wsn't he there. She didn't remember he had died.She kept asking about him. Her youngest son, finally said; Mom, Leonard died. She started to cry. There were alot of teary eyes. I got up and went to her and put my arms around her. Told her he loved her very much and wouldn't want her crying. He is watching over her and me. My heart was breaking and I was so choked up. She looked at me and thanked me for coming. I just told her, just because Leonard is gone doesn't mean she won't see me. A few days later, I visited and she didn't even know my name. Her remaining children told me, she doesn't know them either. How sad; when the mind goes before the body.
We are never prepared for the loss of a loved one. My parents are both gone, Mom 37 years and dad 7 years. I still think about them; but my grief for them was so different from that of losing my husband and I pray to God, I never have to experience the loss of a child.
We do go. We don't have a choice. We have to honor our loved ones however we can. We all have other family members who need us. i have 5 adult children and 8 grandchildren. I know how much they care about me and seem to express it so much more since losing their dad and papa.
We all are strong people. My thoughts are with everyone on this site. On this site we do not mourn alone. Others move on; it takes us longer. We are always here on this site for others.

Sep 20, 2013
Thank you
by: Anonymous

Thank you for sharing your loss

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