They tell me i do not smile anymore, i tell them they didn't sit by for over a year watching the love of there life die. How can i smile when i lost my one true love of 41 years go. you tell me i want to smile again but most of my heart is gone. I will get by, some way. They say no more pain no more suffering that's what they think. Her pain and suffering will be with me for ever. For the sake of God i hope they never have to see or feel this pain. Marsha i will love you into eternity but you always knew that. May God grant us all here peace. Rick
I so understand what you are all saying. My husband died three weeks ago after being ill a very long time. We were married 40 years. I go to work and smile and laugh, people think I'm coping and that's what they want. What they don't know is what it's like when I go home. Black isn't dark enough for how I feel, I can't imagine ever being happy again.
No Smiling by: Anonymous
Rick, I too stood and watched and nursed my husband through 3 long years of his illness. He suffered terribly. The best that most of his family can say to me is "well, at least he's not in pain anymore and he's better off". I realize in their own way, they may think that what they're saying is kind. But when I hear them say it, I swear I wanna smack them. They weren't with him 24/7. This house is so empty as is my life without my loving husband. He was such a good man with a great sense of humor. One of my husband's Aunt's took me to hear a gospel singing group and they have put some CDs out, on one CD is a particular song that breaks my heart every time I hear it, it's called, "If you only knew" and is sung by The Faithful Servants from here in GA. Though it's a great song, and says a lot, I really can't listen to it all the way through without breaking down and crying. It has to do with how people may feel after taking care of a loved one. May God Bless you.
We all need some peace by: Jack
Hi Rick! I just wanted to say I think I understand how you feel . I too watched the love of my life suffer and struggle in a hospital for almost 2 years. It was terrible to watch and be a part of, but it is more terrible now to think about . I'll pray for you and I hope you find some peace. We all need some peace. Jack
No Smiling by: Colleen
I too have been told I don't smile anymore. I told someone I am smiling this is a mask, it shut them up very quickly. We will smile again when we are ready. We have to find peace before we can smile again. I hope you find your peace.
Smile Though Your Heart is Breaking by: TrishJ
Rick~ Smiles are an outward sign that all is well with us. We smile when we're happy. I've found myself faking smiles lately because that's what my friends and family want me to do. They want me to be happy. I'm not happy right now. I miss my husband so much I can't stand it most days. I smile to make others around me less uncomfortable. They know I'm hurting yet they expect me to smile. I'm going to smile only when I feel like it, after reading your post. I'll cry when I feel like it too. Doesn't a good cry just feel right sometimes? I'll cry until I say it's time to stop. I'll smile when I'm ready to. You do the same. We've had our loves yanked away from us and it's not the thing that makes for smiles. We'll get to a place where we want to smile again. Marsha and Joe will see to that.
Smile? by: judith in California
Rick, If someone comes up and tells you to smile tell them you don't smile on demand. There are a lot of circumstances why someone doesn't smile. Grieving is one of those and you'll smile when you're ready, not because some rude person has the gall to ask you to smile or make a comment that you don't.
Our hearts are breaking and I feel the same way as you. I do have a moment or so to where I smile but there's no joy . That was taken from me.
You are such a dear husband to express the way you feel.
Smiling by: M Mack
Rick,
You can't force a smile for the sake of making a happy impression when you don't feel happy. The wound of losing the love of your life is still open and fresh. However, in time it will come accidentally, a smirk you can't hold back to a full blown smile - suddenly a belly laugh you may not recognize. Let it happen, slowly, as you are still in the grieving process. You cannot jump through it - grieving makes us crawl through until we see peace and light. When the time to let go is ripe, you will know it. Marsha does not want you to hit bottom and I'm sure she is by your side as you take this journey. Make sure you take care of yourself and keep your faith. At a time like this we need a higher energy to be strong. I am in my 11th month after losing my love suddenly and still having good days, bad days. We will always love and miss the one we lost but we will survive. I will keep you in my prayers and make sure you keep reading and writing. It helps knowing you have others in the survivor club who really care and listen.
