You Impacted My Entire Life.
I witnessed my father having a heart attack when I was eight. I tried helping him by giving him CPR while my sister talked on the phone to emergency dispatch. I tried to help. I remember being removed from the situation and then later being told he was gone. My mother was in shambles. My older sister distraught because she had just argued with our dad and had told him she hated him. Her last words to him. I felt numb. I still feel numb to this day nearly ten years later. I'm now almost eighteen and it's still hard. I have an older brother and two older sisters. They all tell me our dad would be proud of me. They all say they're proud of me. My mother says my dad would be happy with the woman I turned out to be today. I can't help but think that now that ten years have passed how much I not only missed out on knowing my father, but how much he missed out on my life. I'm sad that he has missed and will be missing so many milestones in my life. I only knew him 8 years.
It makes me sad to know that I'll never get to experience things with him. Growing up I always did things that I thought would make my father proud. I always did things that I thought he would want me to do. But as I've gotten older I've realized that I'll never get to know if he would be proud of me. I will never know what sort of relationship or bond we would have. Too many what ifs. I know it is because of him I am who I am. It is because of not only his short presence in my life, but also his death that I live my life how I do. He may not have been in my life that long or raised me that long, but he taught me to live life like each day is my last and to make my time count. So I thank my father for showing me how to appreciate the fragility of life and the impact I can make. I thank him for being my loving father. I thank him for being in my life as long as he was. I thank him for giving me life. I thank him for showing me how to laugh even in the worst of times. I thank him for not willingly leaving me. I thank him for the unconditional love he made me feel as a child. And I hope to one day make my own children feel as loved as he made me feel. So, thanks dad for being in my life as long as you were. You will forever be a part of me. I will always love you forever and always.
R.I.P. Alan Brian Oberg ~March 8th, 2004~