You left me and I lived. You died and I died.
Over the last couple years I went through pain as someone I truly loved moved on with their life. There were many painful things in that including being replaced, feeling old, feeling financially violated. But love remained the same. Then when things went bad for my former love that I still obviously loved I was actually sad for them. It became clear to me their happiness was still important to me even though they had chosen a new path. Then when they entered a place of despair and sought me out again for support I tried hard to be there for them. It was somewhat prolonged with their health problems, job and money problems, and broken heart extending close to 6 months. They did hit bottom. Love remained the same. I also had a trauma in my life and was unable to make an appointment to meet up with my dear friend and love and they killed themself the next day. My world crashed and here 5 months later I still ache. I feel guilty I let them down. I feel the loss of someone I realize I was hoping to have in my life even if just a little bit until I was old old old. I do not know how to love a dead person so much. This has never happened to me and I feel as if I too am dead.