You truly never appreciate what you had until its gone

by Cliff
(Ruiz)

It was my senior year of high school and although my dad never pushed me into sports I always found myself doing very well in everything athletic. I am right on the brink of starting my senior baseball season and I'm naturally very excited. My father took a job in Jacksonville (about 5 hours away from our home) after taking a paycut from his last job. He always put our family first and provided everything and then some for our family. And although it pained him to work so far from he thought he would stick it out for 6 months and then relocate the family down to Jacksonville. It's two weeks from baseball season and I'm getting excited for it to start. I woke up on a late day in January and wished my sister a happy birthday she was turning 11. I dropped her off at school but for some reason I decided to stay home and not go to school, I had a very uneasy feeling in my stomach. Around 11am I get a call from my mom telling me to pick up my sisters and take the first flight down to Jacksonville, she was already on a plane at the time. I picked my sisters up and we were on our way to Jacksonville, I knew something was terribly wrong. We met my mother in the airport around 4pm that day and all my worst fears were confirmed, my dad had a sudden cardiac arrest and died on the way to the hospital. We all huddled in a circle crying in the airport for probably 15 minutes until we manged to get into a rental car and to the morgue. It was truly the most tragic thing I have ever dealt with in my life and it was just as hard on everybody in my family. My dad was a great guy and I love him more than anything, I would literally give everything to talk to him one last time.

Comments for You truly never appreciate what you had until its gone

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Jul 09, 2013
Sorry you lost 12 people from your life in 2yrs.
by: Doreen U.K.

Brenda I am so sorry to hear of the 12 losses you have had to grieve over the last 2yrs. Some of us feel crushed by losing one significant person from our lives but when it comes in such large numbers so close together you don't have time to grieve each loss so I can understand you being in therapy. We endure different kinds of losses throughout life and I repressed all mine from a young age and so this affected my life. I couldn't function and it was all tangled up I
couldn't sort it all out and so did the counselling/therapy part in my 40's It was the best thing I could do for myself and my family. A lot of my issues just evaporated as if they just melted and didn't bother me again. I could see clearly for the first time in my life and this is when my life began. Had I not had this therapy I would have suffered worse when I lost my husband of 44yrs. 14 months ago to cancer. I nursed him for over 3yrs. and this was a horrendous journey. All our different stories of our experiences are very healing and I do believe this is CREATIVE GRIEVING. Guilt is part of grief but it should go in time. But grief is painful whilst we are going through it. Somehow we become stronger from each loss/grief so we are able to bear it. But even if it is part of life to experience suffering I find that the loss of loved ones is the worst type of grief we could experience. Thank God for the skill of therapists/counsellors. It is quite intensive training to do this work. But you know what. IT WORKS. If you get the right therapist. I had nothing to lose except my life if I didn't give therapy a try. I can't begin to tell you how liberated and FREE I feel. It is the best feeling in the world that actually heals my pain. Make no mistake that therapy is painful. but knowing that this pain doesn't last but will heal does help us to bear it. The tone of your post is filled with positivity, and empathy. You will get your life back in ways you didn't know you could heal from. Even old wounds will come to the surface and you will have a sense of freedom to live your life and be happy again. best wishes.

Jul 08, 2013
I am so sorry
by: Anonymous

I am so sorry to read about your father. I lost my father in January to Cardiac Arrest as well, and sadly I know exactly what you are going through. I can't believe my sweet father is gone and I never had a chance to say goodbye. He was gone before we even got to the hospital. He and my mother had been together for almost 50 years and the loss is unbearable for both of us. I hope you find some comfort and peace on this website. Barbara

Jul 08, 2013
until its gone
by: Anonymous_MI

I read your post and as soon as I read how your dear Dad died----a sudden burning pain was in my stomach and my heart hurt. My wonderful husband of 43 yrs died Nov 18, 2012 from Sudden Cardiac Arrest and even though it has been almost 8 months I still am in shock at times and the knowledge that he is gone from my grown kids, grandkids and my life is unbelievable. My brain plays games with me like "what if he came back right now?" or " If he came back he would see how big the grandkids are getting in just 8 months." It is a cruel thing---this road of grief and yet everything I have read or heard says we must face the grief and deal with it and acknowledge it when it decides to slam into our face again. I have faith in God--He is all that can help me in this journey and yet the pain at times is too brutal and raw that I feel I'll never ever get past some aspects of the grief. It is my cross to bear.---Cliff, I am so sorry that your Dad was taken so quickly from you and your family. I know the shock and incredible disbelief it brings. I offer you this : place your life in the Lord's Hands and wait upon Him. I am trying to do that--God help all of we who are grieving the loss of our dear loved ones. My hope--my race is to see the face of Jesus Christ, Our Savior and worship Him and then to see my dear husband.

Jul 06, 2013
Untill It's Gone
by: Brenda Richison

Cliff, my heart goes out to u.I've lost my son,26 yrs. old, 2004, also 3 best friends, 2wks apart to suicide also a yr. later. Sister's death next, heartattack, we think. I lost in 1996, my fiance, who decided to blow his head off in front of me. I lost 12 family & friends in 2yrs. So, now I lost Mom on Valentines day. Came home & found my boyfriend (who was my best friend) dead in his recliner reclinerunexpected also. We are thinking it was a heart attack. He was a 2 time kidney transplant & was in rejection. This all told, i can say honestly, I know how u feel...This just happened 5th of June. Very unexpected. I didn't even get to go to his memorial, because I was hospitalized for 2 seizures, day before. So, as u know, I'm taking it harder than I've ever did any death. Also, he died alone, without me there, because I was in hospital, and wasn't released till the day of the 5th when I found him. So, as you know, I am feeling the guilt of this on top of everthing else. Also, facing me this mth. 10th of July, is his birthday. 55 yrs. old. Then the 8th of July, 9 yrs. ago my son died & was buried the 12th. As fate would have it, my great-niece was born the same day! The 12th! I'm in therapy again, which I advise you to do also. Most of all, stay on this site! I have for a long time. And here I am again. I write to people, like u, & tell them my story, and give them reassurance that they aren't alone. This site does help! Also make sure you use it all to your advantage. Read & write other troubled souls, like ourselves. This is the only way I know to pay back all it's done for me.If I help 1 person, I feel I've accomplished my goal. I will never stop this. I also give my email to them if they need to talk...brichison1@yahoo.com...Hang in there, Buddy! I'm an email away! If you or anyone else reading this, needs me, just drop me a line. God Bless to all. Brenda Richison

Jul 06, 2013
You truly never appreciate what you had until it is gone
by: Doreen U.K.

Cliff I am sorry for your loss of your father to a sudden death. It is so sad what happens to families causing separation from the one's we love and who nurture us. Just don't try to fill your father's shoes by being the caretaker of the family. You didn't say what age you were and this may be a tall task for young shoulders. You and your sisters all still need nurturing. I hope your dad had some brothers or any male member being an uncle who can nurture and mentor you till you are able to find your way in life. We all need somebody to be there for us and you are all so young and so need to be cared for. It will be tough days ahead for all of you but if you all stick together and talk and cry together you will be able to heal collectively and be able to go on with your young lives. It will be hard on your mom. I lost my husband to cancer 14 months ago and I know grief from the aspect of being a wife and mother . Take care of each other and write back if you need to. You will receive on going support from this site.

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