You will always be my brother

I have been in and out of foster care for years until my grandparents adopted me. The same happened with my 3 brothers and 4 sisters. However, when my 7 year old brother was due to get put up for adoption, he became really poorly and we found out he had terminal cancer. With this, he was not allowed to get adopted but to remain in foster care. However, with 2 days social services got him adopted out, as he only had a few weeks to live, this meant that we had to ask permission to go to my own brother's funeral. A few month passed and I got my hopes up and expected that he would get better, but within weeks, we got told he got really poorly and wouldnt have no longer than a week left. The day finally came when he closed his eyes and slept tight. Most of my memories i had of him werent really happy ones, as i was growing into a young teenager, i was so moody and sometimes nasty and i took it out on the people who were closest to me the most, i never thought for 1 second that he might have been taken away from us, and i will forever hold hatred in my heart for social services and his adoptive parents who took away my last chance of seeing him again. We were allowed to visit him to say goodbye, but it was so hard as social services had to be there. I had to go to social services office to beg them to ask adoptive parents if i could go to the crematorium, after a few days i was told i was allowed to go. The day of his funeral was so hard, all his adoptive family spoke of all these precious memories they had of him and i felt like a complete stranger, although i am his sister. The adoptive family were posting stories and pictures all over the local mail and we found out that my brother had passed away on the internet, noone had to dignity to tell us themselves. i just posted this on here because im finding it so hard to cope, and even just typing this is sort of helping me feel a bit better. I had never lost anyone close to be before now and I respect and look up to all those who have and still carry on with their lives as strong as ever, its an inspiration. I love you so much little brother, no longer in pain, my heart will forever ache for you, intil we meet again!

Comments for You will always be my brother

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Dec 05, 2012
You will always be my brother
by: Doreen U.K.

I am so sorry for your loss of your brother. Of course He will always be your brother. No one can argue with Blood and DNA.
It is so very cruel what you have had to experience from social services. It never ceases to amaze me how tactless, and careless our social services has become that they follow procedure and forget that these are real people with feelings. They don't stop to think about the emotions and hurt the family will feel. My heart breaks for you for what you have had to go through. If you hate Social Services so much and the adoptive family for their carelessness at not informing you but putting this news on the internet then do something about this.
You can write to the adoptive family and tell them how you feel and what their actions has done to you. You have been robbed of time with your brother. You have been treated as a stranger, and this will affect you for the rest of your life. If you live in England you can write to your MP. Let him know how you feel and what happened. He will be sensitive and caring. I wrote to my MP in 2005 and he was very supportive and wrote to the PCT(Primary Care Trust) He also wrote to the ambulance Service and I felt heard and supported. In our case for support for my husband who could have died due to the neglect of our Health Service.
You should also see a grief counsellor and talk over all these issues. It does help immensely. I did this and it was the best thing I did for mysself. I got rid of my anger and I moved forward better. You can also keep a journal and write in this perhaps in the form of letters to your brother, telling him how you feel and how it hurts you that you did not get to see him and know about his death. Give expression to how you feel when you write. You will be getting all these feelings out of your system and you will Heal better from your loss. Don't bottle up all your feelings it will make you ill. You will be honouring the memory of your brother by doing this for yourself. It is very cruel how families are separated and not kept together.
I hope life treats you well and that you will be respected. Try and get all the support you need so that you will be able to Heal and not have to go through life unhappy and sad or suffer depression. You don't have to live like this. Tell someone you trust how you feel. Don't suffer alone.

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