Young Divorce

I have been divorced now for about a year. My husband and I dated & lived together for 9 years including the year that we were actually married. I have a boyfriend now, and I do love him, we have many things in common, have lots of fun together, many mutual friends, great parents & he demonstrates many qualities that I felt as though my ex was lacking. However, there are certain things that I said/did with my ex that when I think of them, I feel so sad about, I get the most horrible empty feeling in my heart. Ex) we always watched Elf & put our tree up at Christmas together. we had a dog, and he was Dad & I was Mom. He called me Master Chef, b/c that was one of my favorite shows, the way we laid beside each other in bed can never feel the same with anyone else, his hugs, I'll find a note that he had written & I can't help but cry. Have I just moved on too fast or did I make a mistake. We were 20 when we got together & 29 when we divorced, so I really feel that we grew up together, sharing so many life experiences. I find myself comparing the two, mentally of course. Any thoughts on how I'm feeling?

Comments for Young Divorce

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Jan 12, 2012
Author at The Mini Marriage
by: Karen Jerabek

First, I'd like to say how sorry I am that you've gone through such a heart breaking divorce. It's such a painful experience and one that takes time to fully heal from.

While you are remembering the good memories, you also have to remember that there were plenty of reasons that led you to get divorced. No one is going to be able to come in and take his place but you will be able to create new memories with someone else. While you hold onto these thoughts about your ex, what you're doing is not allowing yourself to be vulnerable to your new boyfriend. It's a way of protecting yourself so that you won't get hurt again. But, love is a leap of faith and you can only get out of it what you're willing to give.

I would suggest going to therapy as a way to fully process all the lingering emotions regarding your marriage/divorce. All the people I've talked to who've been divorced, the most successful at moving on are those that went to therapy.

I was married and divorced young too. When I got divorced, I thought my life was over. In time, I opened myself back up again and today, I have a life that is 100 times happier than I ever could have had with my ex-husband. It will get easier!

Jan 09, 2012
Not too Young To Learn
by: Judith in Californiaj

Yes , a thought or two.. you did move on very quickly. you are being unfair to your new husband in thinking about your EX and if you keep thinking about the past relationship you will surely cause the end of the new. You needed to get to know yourself before remarrying. Have you ever lived on your own and supported yourself. So many women just go from their parents house to be married and never give themselves a chance to learn to be on their own to get to know what you are made of and to know you'll be alright with out with out a man to take care of you.

Why not think of the things that caused you to divorce?

If you truly respect and value your current husband you must stop the EX thinking. It can only lead to trouble.

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