Your beloved 1988 Lincoln still sits motionless in your garage...
My Daddy drove himself to the hospital with my mother December 21, 2011, in his 1988 Lincoln, the biggest and best-kept car in the world. After a few hours and a few tests, he was definitively diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer, which had already spread to his liver. Nothing was found in his colonoscopy done only three years earlier, and he saw his doctor devotedly every three months for blood pressure checks and bloodwork, and nothing ever came back abnormal. He only complained of a pain in his side only a few weeks before he was diagnosed. How could the doctors have missed such an aggressive cancer? After two surgeries
in an attempt to remove part of the maligant mass, my father developed an infection, kidney failure, and the spreading of this horrific disease led to his death on Friday, Jan. 13th 2012. In three weeks, he was diagnosed and died, never able to drive back home with his beloved car. My only consolation is that if he had lived after his surgery, he would have received chemo etc, suffered and still would have lost the battle. We all knew him as a healthy and young-looking 81 year-old man,with hardly any gray hair and that's the way we'll remember him. I just can't believe he's gone. It's been 8 months and I have so much anxiety, especially during the day when my husband and 4 kids are gone. I only find some comfort at night, when I sleep through my profound sadness and grief.(on the nights I can sleep) I can't stop thinking of how I lost him and terribly, terribly miss him. He used to come over to my house every day to visit my 8 year-old daughter. He adored her! And sometimes it hurts sooo much to see her, and enjoy her because it breaks my heart that he can't see her grow up. But, at least she is old enough to remember him and keep in her heart his memory. And then there's my mother. She is completely and utterly lost without me,after 54 years of marriage, and I feel so helpless because I can't relieve her pain. I keep in touch with her all day long because luckily she lives close by. But my heart doubly aches because she finds it very difficult to come to my house because it sadly reminds her of when she used to come over with my Dad. I hate this new life with a passion! I yearn so badly for things to go back to the way they were, but things can't change. I have to accept the "new normal." That's what everybody says. Maybe someday I'll believe it and learn to enjoy life again. In the meantime, I'm trying my best to take care of my family and my mother whenever I can. Thank God for my husband and my kids. They are truly my strength and I thank God every day for these incredible blessings. I know my Dad watches over all of us. I can feel it. Sometimes I dream about him. It scares me and comforts me at the same time. Life is so hard. But I'm grateful for all the years I got to spend with my wonderful,special and very generous Dad.
Daddy I love you soooooo much! Please pray for my recovery so I can take care of the people in my family you cherished so much. You are always in my heart. Luv you forever. Bye, Daddy!