You're the lucky ones.

I envy you all. The love of my life slept with someone else and left me. I wish I could cling to happy memories of her by my side. I pray I could hold our lives in my hand like a precious, little snow globe and marvel at how perfect and complete it was. I would do anything to go to sleep at night knowing she loved me until her dying day, believing that we would be together again someday on some ethereal plane. But I don't have the luxury. I have self-loathing for the mistakes I may have made to drive her away; they rip apart my brain and tear at my insides every waking second. And I don't sleep. I have visions of her with someone else, eyes shut, mouth agape, tight in his arms; they douse me in gasoline, light me on fire and there I burn and I burn and I burn. My past collapsed when she left. In its place fear, regret and shame. Endlessly I think of what I could have done differently. Endlessly I turn the trinkets of our memories over and over in my hands, looking for some new angle that I missed the first million times. My future evaporated when she left. The dreams of her hand in mind on our wedding day, of her smile when our child was born, all replaced with nightmares where I have been hastily replaced by some monster, my face cut from the picture, edges jagged and torn and someone else's horrid grin there, taped in place and poorly aligned. You can sleep at night believing your love is in a better place, not in the sweat-soaked sheets of some wretch who will never care for her one iota as much a you do. You can seal that purity in a small, heart-shaped box and hang it around your neck like a memento for the rest of your days. You can smile and reminisce. You found something beautiful, and were lucky enough to have it taken before it withered and rotted before your very eyes. Your relationship can warm you on a cold winter day. Mine sears and scars with every painfully drawn breath as I immolate in the abyss. Cherish your memories. Cherish that innocence. Cherish that love. There are those that would die for it.

Comments for You're the lucky ones.

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Feb 01, 2011
by: Author

I wrote this original piece in a horrendous place. A place from which I am still fighting every second to escape. I suppose a sadistic side of me wanted to assail others with my words, make them suffer, hurt like I hurt. More. Worse. And maybe a masochistic part of me wanted to revel in my own unique, exquisite agony, or even to stand there and endure the ripostes and ridicule that I was sure would follow my posting.

But you didn't do that. All of you -- who have experienced such sorrow -- you listened. Sure there was some defensiveness, some derision, but overwhelmingly you said I was right to hurt. You accepted my pain and my petulance. You accepted this attack and you wished me well. You blessed me. I'm flabbergasted and humbled.

A pretentious paragraph posted on some nowhere message board. A smattering of comments from people I will never see, never know beyond the several sentences they too were willing to share. I have to laugh because I never would have thought this would have such an effect, to have people who have experienced extraordinary hardship take time out to say, "Hey, your pain is real and I am sorry, but we are all in this together."

There are still a lot of things I would like to discuss, but those can wait for another day. I want to use this post to simply say "Thank you" to those of you who held out your hand when I was flailing and screaming as I started to sink into those inky, black waters.

Jan 03, 2011
Lucky? You have GOT to be kidding!
by: Anonymous

You call us lucky? The loss of a relationship is NOTHING compared to the loss of a partner, parent, child, etc. You can move on and learn from this. There is nothing that can be SAID or DONE to EVER fully recover from the tragic loss of a loved one to death. A cheating significant other compared to the death of a life-long partner? You are the lucky one to have lost someone who obviously wasn't right for you (if they were cheating this is obvious) than to lose the one that WAS right for you FOREVER to DEATH.

Dec 30, 2010
Pain is pain
by: Anonymous

Mr. Lucky,

Seems you hit a nerve with your excellent letter. Thank you for pouring out your hurting heart. You did it among friends. Tragedy levels the playing field. We all hurt beyond description and none of us feel that luck has paid us a visit. Keep writing and you will find the words deep in your heart where your true self speaks.

God touches our hearts there and when we are ready, He helps us face the truth about ourselves and all we hold dear. He's a gentleman and He will never force His way in, but waits until we ask. He's good that way and He loves us too much to force. He did not cause your problem any more than He caused any of us to lose a loved one to death. The enemy Satan, the roaring lion, can take credit for any and all pain on this earth. Keep listening and talking to God. He hears every word and He will lead you to His perfect peace.

Dec 29, 2010
To Our New Friend
by: Sue

Have you heard us now???? WE, including you, are in the same group, one of loss, but we are reaching out to YOU...don't ever say "envy" just say how sad you are...keep talking to us, we are here...THAT'S how we make it....

Dec 29, 2010
RE: You're the lucky ones
by: Mari

My heart goes out to you as you have suffered a loss. But we are not lucky. Is it luck to kiss your beloved husband good night , hear him say,''I love you so much'' and find in the morning that he has passed away? Is it lucky to lose someone who showered love on your children and grandchildren and gave them everything they needed?

I know how much you are hurting but we are too because we know we will not see our loved one until we see him in heaven.

Besides I don't like the word ''lucky.'' Luck is for casinos. If something good happens it's a God thing. If bad, well we all suffer in this lifetime and God helps us through it.

Please think about asking God to help you get through this. We care and know you are going through a difficult time.

Dec 29, 2010
Time will help you too...
by: Anonymous

Good grief! I can hear your pain. Not to minimize your own loss, but I do not see how you can be so heartless as to say we are the lucky ones, those who's loved ones have died.

I can only figure that you are so wrapped up in your own misery that you do not realize what you're saying. Grievous losses should never be compared, that is pointless and cruel.

I wish you well in healing from your breakup, and hope that as you emerge from your hurt, you regain more compassion for others.

Dec 29, 2010
by: Judith

How can you say we are lucky? We sit and cry for someone who will NEVER be here. It's final. NO More of anything ever.

She is still alive and you could try to win her back if you love her so much. AND you have to ask yourself what role you played in her finding someone else. It's a two sided story. You must move past the point she slept with someone else as we all have at one point or other.

Please don't say we are lucky. It hurts too much to hear that.

Dec 29, 2010
You are the lucky one.
by: Mike

My wife died unexpectedly on the 1st of Dec. I tried to wake her and she was dead in bed beside me. She was only 47. I have lost loves before and it doesn't compare; it's not even remotely close. You are the lucky one. I'm sorry you and your wife split up, but we are not lucky and one day you will know what I mean.

Dec 29, 2010
re: you're the lucky ones
by: Anonymous

I am sorry for the pain you are feeling. My heart goes out to you and I pray that you will find comfort.

But it is not lucky to lose someone through death. It is the saddest thing one can go through.

With death you find yourself trying to cope, pick up the pieces, deal with the loss, finances, and in general living a totally different life.
I feel like I am in a different lifetime.
My sweetheart is not going to walk in the door and grab me up in a big hug. He is not going to ever say,''I do love you , you know.''

He came into my life when an ex husband wanted me to give my teenage daughter back to her father as ''she is going to be a lot of trouble.'' So I divorced him and my husband came along and said,''Don't worry. I will help you raise her and she will be fine.''

She is now 33 yrs old and happily married with 5 children. Not only that this girl who was so much trouble took a test for a great job and was chosen out of 560 people for the job. My husband deserves the credit for that. He loved every grandchild, every one of my 5 children and they loved him too.

Your loss is not to be underestimated and I am truly sorry. But mine isn't either. My loss is great. Take care of yourself and keep posting. I know it is hard for you and you are grieving. You are not alone. God is with you.

Dec 29, 2010
None of us are lucky, My Friend
by: Sue

I have flipped the coin MANY MANY times in my head. I fully understand your pain, and I DO mean that....but somewhere, somehow, don't you feel when you truly love someone you wish they were still there to be pissed off at??? When you are lying there, having these awful thoughts, it is YOUR pain you are feeling...and yet she is still out there, even if moving forward into another life.

For those who have lost someone to death, there is no chance to ever yell at that person again, to wish them gone...They simply are whether you like it or not. And for myself, I dealt with anger and regret while they were still living, angry at having to be put through a situation I DON'T deserve...angry that I was angry, and still feeling guilty for being alive and TRYING to move on.

I am SO SORRY for your pain, but no-one who has lost someone, to death or to the end of a relationship, is lucky, it is a sad reality of life, and all we can do is go through the motions of everyday life, hoping for that moment when it won't hurt so badly. I am here, and listening to your pain, and it's good to get it out of your head and heart, if only for a second and share your thoughts.

God watch over you, your pain is as much as any survivors. I hope for better days, someday, for you, for me, and for anyone who has lost someone.

Dec 29, 2010
Please don't say we are the lucky ones
by: Suge

Wow, I don't know how you can say we are lucky!!! I'm sorry for your pain but you see this person was not the right one for you or they would still be with you. You now have a chance to discover your true soulmate. I lost my husband that I had been with since I was 17yrs old. He had just turned 45. We have a beautiful family together but I can never get my soulmate back to me on this earth. I grieve for the past memories, memories we would of had, Dreams we shared and a life with our kids and grandkids together growing old.

It is so different having the love of you life die and the person you loved leave you. I believe your pain is real but please do not tell those of us who have lost our loved ones we are lucky. It is always wise to know exactly what you are talking about before you make remarks that could really hurt others. God Bless you and best wishes in the future.

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