Hi, lately I feel like yo-yo. The last couple months I thought I was managing to move forward a little bit. My husband died 6 months ago. We were married 37 years. Our marriage wasn't perfect, but we had a lot of good years. My husband died in the intensive care unit of the hospital. Doctors told me I needed to take him life support and let him go. I did, and stayed with him until the end. Now all of a sudden, I can't get those images out of my head. I hadn't had those visions in months. Now I'm back to square one and I am having a hard time handling it. This last week was very hard, I had a meltdown at my attorney's office and at Social Security. I feel like I am about to lose my mind. I come to this site everyday and read what everyone has to say. We are all in this together. I don't know what the answer is, I just know that somehow I have take one step and breath at a time.
I went through the exact thing. I had to make the decision to turn off Joe's heart device. It was so surreal when we went back into his room. It was just his body there.....so still. His soul was gone. We were married for 37 years last August. I was just 19 when we met. He was almost 10 years older than me and had been all over the world. He always used to tell people he raised me. Not really but I did learn a lot from him. I miss him so much I can't stand it most days. I too relive that last horrible day. I can still hear the doctor, "I'm sorry, there is nothing more we can do." Today we drove by the hospital where he passed and I just couldn't bring myself to even glance in that direction. I have one good day followed by two terrible days. Up down ~ up down. Last week I think I actually had one more good day than bad ~ now today I had a complete melt down. We will survive ~ we will get through this. We can't expect ourselves to think beyond today. Getting through each day is a good thing. Everyone says it gets better. I'm still waiting but somehow, I believe them. I hope you find some joy today. PJ
the yo yo effect by:
Jackie,
You will often hear people talking about grief in phrases like: a hellish roller coaster ride that I want to get off. One good day and 2 horrible days. I feel that I am back to square one again...let me assure you that grief is not linear. There is not consistent upward progress, it zigs it zags making us think ourselves insane. It is all grief survival and the 6 month mark is especially brutal. It is so hard to believe that 6 months has past yet it was like yesterday. Grief is a yo yo effect. Keep coming here for reassurance. We understand completely and will be here always. HH
