Grief, it’s not something you just get over.

by Louise Jo-Anne van Niekerk
(South Africa )

Why I no longer care?
I am going through a change in my life and a clean-up of my past.
So as many may know, I have loved and lost a lot in the past 2 years.
I have changed after losing my parents and grandparents.
This has changed my perspective on life, my personality and what is important.
If you can’t give me the time of day, I can’t give you any time either.
I look at the years I have wasted on un-necessary people and emotions, in the end these are the things that matter the least.
The number of friends you have is the thing of the past, is not as important as it might have seemed 10 years ago, the quality face to face time you spend with these people are.
I think what this has done is changed me, and the change is not accepted or understood by many, that have not walked in my shoes.
You don’t know what I am going through or what mental complications I am dealing with.
I have realised one thing that after the funerals it normally you and your siblings fighting this grief alone.
Sorting out the difficult part of sorting through your parents’ belongings and accounts and realizing that your child hood, of been a daughter, grand-daughter has come to an end.
A new chapter has happened, no more family Christmas dinner planning, or Easter’s, even the small things like going to camp has changed, or the small road trips we did ever Sunday will never happen again.
No more fights over the little things, no more laughing at the stupid things.
Life is different, people are different and my outlook on life is different.
So, if I seem I have changed, I have, I need to to cope, to continue….to love life, the new life I live in.
Please understand this is a new me and changed me, living this life is about me and my happiness, you might not understand, and you never will, until the day you walk in my shoes.

Written by Louise J van Niekerk
September 2019

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