Heartbroken Mother and Grandmother

by mimi76
(New Jersey)

In a nutshell, my daughter and I have had a very rocky relationship for past few years and it got worse when she came home pregnant at 17. Although my husband (her step-father) and I were upset and angry, we worked through it and welcomed our grand daughter 6 weeks ago. There have been many ups and downs through her pregnancy and after delivery with her mental state. She is diagnosed with having anxiety and depression, and am convinced that she has Oppositional Defiant Disorder and bipolar disorder. She has been on medication, but does not take it regularly. This past week, things came to a head after she didn't want to follow the rules of my house and accept her punishment. We had a blowout fight and she took her daughter and left my house. She called me crying two hours later saying that she needed to come home because the baby needed things. I let her back in and told her that we would talk in the morning. I woke up and she was gone again with the baby. I called and her cell phone was off. She later called me to talk and I gave her two options. To come home and I would continue to support them or to leave and live with the boyfriend (as she has always threatened that she would do) and have nothing. No cell phone, no money, no rides to dr. appts....nothing. She chose to leave. The grief and the pain are unbearable. Sometimes I don't even know how I'm making it through my day as I feel that I am living outside my body. I miss both of them tremendously. My granddaughter was ripped from my arms two days ago and my heart and soul went with her. I have no idea how I will move past this. I feel totally empty.

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Nov 16, 2014
love, love
by: Anonymous

Love ❤ your Daughter and get to the bottom of this personality disorder. No ultimatums, just unconditional love for everyone involved. Believe in a power greater than anyone involved. Listen to Peter Gerlach 's free videos on the internet and the reasons behind the lies and manipulation. Go to 12 step meetings about codependency, but don't abandon your Daughter and remember she is the Mother.

Nov 15, 2014
Heartbroken Mother and Grandmother
by: Doreen UK

Mimi I am sad for you losing your daughter by leaving your home. I am just a bit puzzled by how you describe her punishment, for not following your rules of the home.
Rules have to be obeyed but taking into consideration your daughter is an Adult and would not want to receive punishment for disobeying your rules means that she may have felt squeezed out of your home by seeing this as harsh.
You could always talk to her and try to sort out these problems so that she and the baby are safe.
You can get past this grief by FOCUSING on the fact that your daughter may be of an age when she would flee the nest eventually living her own independent life. You will of course miss terribly your grandaughter. You may have to compromise and go visit your daughter where she is so that you can establish a relationship that is ongoing. It is so hard when our children flee the nest. It can be very crushing and empty facing this type of loneliness. Grief is such a hard and long road to travel for some time. You may have to join a support group, or see a counselor for some support in order to get you through this difficult time. It does get easier when you focus on doing something for you to build yourself up and do positive things to help yourself move forward better. There are no easy answers. With the right support you will get through this difficult time.

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