i thought this time she was the ONE !

by barry highfield
(vancouver bc)

I have worked in the trucking industry for 13 years now long haul truck driving is very difficult for any couple I had a very bad break up 11 years ago with my oldest boys mother alot of mistakes were made by us both I have learnt from my mistakes .said to myself I will never EVER go they that again I would stay single till I die before I go they that again . until I met her this girl had a sparkle to her that would make any man proud to have her on his side . so anyway I wwalked into the company office and there she was I actually walked up to her desk and plopped down and showed her some pictures of my son but I never got on her because I just was never that way I would rather not lose a friend because I made the wrong choice so she picked me up and wow it was magical she was amazing I felt so comfortable around her right away I mean three days after we met she jumped on a plane from Vancouver to Montreal just to drive back home with me I'm speechless but here we are there was some cheating and lying I'm the beginning not me her actually and then she was pregnant and was she hormaonal wow and now our son is 16 months she go72nd and I can't keep it together if I tried she had two little girls that I love dearly and miss with every ounce of my heart I was dealing with something traumatic from my past that I had shared with her to make her feel better and when brought this up after 24 years of hiding the fact that I had been sexuly abusied for almost 2 weeks by a ex convict when I was 17 I'm 40 now by the way . I became more separated from her and our 3 kids because of the flashbacks and nightmares of opening this wound she could not help me and I was getting upset over the dumbest things and could barely get out of bed on a daily felt paralyzed pain inside was too great and didn't have anywhere to turn she kept telling me that this problem was not hers and I needed to grow up and I wasn't the only one that had things that go on I got lost she left me now have lost everybody but desperately trying to get them back I ended up at the end having to pack all of my family stuff for them so that they could leave me now I sit in my empty house wondering what has happened to my life just know deep in my heart that I never wanted them to leave and this was always the life I wanted to have I miss them dearly can't stop crying had a trip to the hospital already because I couldn't breathe from anxiety life's a mess I feel like falling deeper everyday just want them back don't know where to turn every step I take is the wrong one need them to know that I love them so much and will always care for the deeply