Left my boyfriend for the love of my life but still miss many things about my ex
I met my ex when we were both in college and 20 going on 21yrs old. I never thought I would like him and be in a relationship with him but that's soon what happened. He wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship but I basically forced him to be with me. It turned out for the better because he fell in love with me and I loved him... The beginning of our relationship was bad... We argued and fought all the time and I didn't trust him because of past relationships and things I found in his phone... I was inching more and more away from him until his father passed away a year after we were together. He was so hurt I just wanted to do everything I could to make him completely happy. I waited on him hand and foot to try to help ease his pain, and in return he treated me so bad. Nothing was appreciated. We lived together at this point and also worked together. I began to look outside our relationship because it had been a year since we had any sexual contact which at first I figured was due to his father's death. But I was tired of being mistreated and not having any type of physical relationship so I cheated. By this time we were together for 3yrs. I had one foot out the door and was ready to leave him. This affair went on for a whole year. I still think in my mind he had cheated as well... During that time though, we began to get closer. He started paying attention to me and I soon became a faithful girlfriend again. And we were sort of happy for another 4 years... We still didn't have a consistent sexual relationship. We went months at a time without it and I figured that was normal. I began to just settle. He treated me pretty good and I thought that was as Good as it gets. Back before his father had passed away I told myself I was going to leave him. But shortly after that tragedy he was so broken up. I told myself I would stay until he was back on his feet and doing better. That led to the 4 more yrs of being together. We had a lot of fun together. But deep down I was still unhappy but content. In my mind I was just ready to settle and be married to him. I didn't even think about any of the short comings he had. That leads us to the beginning of this year 2014. We went on vacation in Feb. Had a great time but still I was unhappy. We had only had sex 1 time this year and that was in January. I ended up meeting a younger guy. Who is 4yrs younger than myself. At first he was just a friend. I kept telling myself I was happy but the more I got to know this new guy the more I fell for him. I tried and tried to fight it but for some weird reason my feelings for him were So strong! We met in January but didn't end up dating until April. And at the beginning of May I broke up with my boyfriend and told him I was moving out. That was the single hardest thing I've ever done. I still cry about it. I hate hurting his feelings but I would rather break up than to cheat on him again. He had a nasty attitude and called me out of my name and didn't pay the right attention to me and isn't family oriented and I am. But was also sweet at times and you could tell he really loves me. We had great conversations and he's funny. He was my bestfriend.. and that's the type of relationship we had. We were like roommates. Except I did ALL of the housework. My now new boyfriend yes he's young, he's 24 and I'm 28, but we have magical chemistry. I haven't felt this way about anyone since my first love! He believes in me, encourages me, challenges me to be a better person. He's so close with his family. He's the reason my youngest sister and I actually have a relationship now. He inspires me so much. Words can't even describe how I feel about him. He's the love of my life! I'm madly IN LOVE with him.. Although he's a lot less established, at that age my ex and I didn't have it together either...So he still has time to grow on his own. Which I see he's doing already. And plus I'm still figuring things out for myself. When we talk we can talk about anything at all. I don't feel like I will be judged or looked at weird for saying how I feel about something. I could never fully be myself around my ex. So many little pointless lies I felt I had to tell. I don't have that with my new bf. I knew from the beginning that we needed to take it slow. But we decided to screw the rules and jump right into a relationship and do whatever it takes so that it survives. We're still together now and it's going on Nov. We now live together already which is crazy I know. We work everyday to make or relationship last and it's almost effortless! I don't nag him about cleaning up around the house because he does it automatically. He cooks for ME. I don't always have to lift a finger. He treats me like the queen he's supposed to treat me like. I have met his whole family and he has met mine. My family loves him. And his family loves me. Yes we do have a few disagreements but what couple doesn't? The good outweighs the bad here. And I couldn't be happier. I no longer feel a void. I might also add that he has a small son and daughter by his ex and I have no kids. I love his kids just like there my own. We talk about getting married and having one of our own one day when I'm ready. But my thing is this, I now have someone who makes me jump with joy, but why do I still cry and think about my ex? Is it the abrupt way I walked out on him? Or maybe that I was just used to being around him? I don't know... I want to be friends with him one day, I want him to be happy... But I can't help but break down and cry from time to time. I miss our friendship. I was with him for 7.5 years..... we lived together for 6 of those years... Now it's coming close to being with my new bf for a year already! I feel like I've known him my whole life though... Like we're soul mates. I just want to understand why I'm feeling so heart broken about my ex.... He text me and said he will regret losing me for the rest of his life and he wishes he would've just treated me better... And that he's a completely different person now. Also that I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and nothing bothered him when he was with me... That hurt to hear him say that after all these months.....