My child or my wife

by casey clifton
(Payson az)

I know all about deciet. I am a father of 3. 2 from first love and the other 1 is from a separate relationship. I have always had sole custody of other of my oldest 2. I have had sole custody of my youngest for 3 yrs now. I resent got married and my wife insisted I do a DNA test on the youngest. She has always had a problem with him my 4 year old and never did understand why. He always had to go to bed first wasn't allowed o. My bed but her 2 children where it was always upsetting me and when I said something she would blow up. I learned keep my mouth shut. Anyways after her persistence on a DNA test I finally gave in, to stop pressing the issue. The results came back and I am not his father. In my heart I am. My wife now wants me to give him back to his mother who literally been found in court to be mentally unstable. I fought for this child for yeats before i met my wife I have paid child support and when i got full custody i was still paying. I fought jard for tgis kid. My wife only wants her 2 kids and my other 2. I love that kid but the ultimadden is her or the child go's. I'm in a pickle. To make matters worse she forces me to say goodbye because I started a new job in another state while she watches other children until she follows a month later. She wount let me talk to him cause she thi ks i need to move on. When i talk about it she blows up and says i o ly look for him. I lost a child which i don't want to give back i want to raise him because thats what ive been doing but it's either her or the child it's a lose lose situation.

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Dec 03, 2015
Little child
by: Anonymous

Looking at your story the one i feel most for is the little child you fought for that has no one else.
You now know you are not the father but little one depends on you .
If there is no chance of the mother being able to raise or love him,you are the only hope.
If someone made me choose the helpless and needy child comes first.
Does she have a heart?
I hope you understand the child has no choice he needs love and you fought to have him.
Please in your heart put him first.
Hes already been made to feel different by your new wife putting him last.
Show him your love hes the innocent one....
Make your choice remember you have to make what you feel in your heart.
From your story you already know.

Dec 03, 2015
My child or my wife
by: Doreen UK

Casey I am so sad for you and your predicament of having to choose your wife or your child. You are such a good man to see this child as someone who needs Love, Care, and attention, and then to give it despite the child not being yours.
Try and find support from a counsellor to enable you to step back and the counsellor will tease out difficulties in order to help you make your decision more easy. It is a tough decision to make because if you give the child back to his mother you will be very sad and unhappy and perhaps begin to resent your wife and her lack of understanding to your needs.
If you do have a stable and happy marriage presently you may be able to work things out with your wife to enable you to be focused in the best way forward for you all as a family.
Try and step back from your feelings and look at what your wife is saying more objectively.
You both have children from other relationships and it won't be easy living with these challenges. You could possibly have problems come up that will need your undivided attention. If you take on this child that isn't your own it will add to the stress within the family and cause fractures in the family unit. A counsellor could help here and also in the future should problems arise by living in a blended family.
You may be able to be a mentor to this child ongoing as he will need a father and you could be supportive here. If the mother is unstable the child will suffer on going and it may be impossible to repair any emotional damage done to this child. Try and not handle this problem on your own but get good support from a professional in order to help you find the best way forward. Often loving from afar is giving up what we can't keep to gain what we can't lose. When we want to do the right thing obstacles will come up that cause us distress. Attachments can form that make the decision process that much harder which is why you can't handle this problem without professional support.

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