My husband, my soulmate, left me after 25marriage

by Michelle
(Geelongg, Australia)

It's been 4 yrs now. I remember the day the love of my life left me. It was an unreal day & I had no idea he had been so unhappy in his marriage. He told me he was only in the marriage for the kids & had not loved me for years.
I was devastated. Hurt beyond disbelief. I had been living with a man that had been thinking of divorce for a long time. He had kept secrets. Was not working on making it work, would not give me the chance of counselling. No growth & no change.
I changed in my healing journey. Mentally, emotionally & physically. I thrived & am happy. I am also carrying love n hope in my heart for him. It is that reflection of myself that I grieve. That my love in my heart is not shared. I hv no contact with him as he refuses to communicate. It is his behaviour that continues to hurt me. Or that I dwell on & allow myself to feel regret loss n unhappiness.
I am learning to practice forgiveness. I am at that stage in my life. To really release him & let hm go so I can feel happy & not mourn. It has only been recently that I finally feel not married.
I hv this love In my heart for him & i'ld like it to go so I'm not feeling hurt. I hvnt been able to understand why I swing in my emotions & why after all these years I still hv feelings for him.
It's that holding on I don't understand. Why do I do that? I need to seek out a counsellor & discuss those inner emotions. When I can express it I can own my thoughts, and then acknowledge them, interpret them & I guess in helping myself thru my life. I need to take those feelings & file them away for what they are memories in the past. I can't just throw my feelings away. Unfortunately my mind for mysterious reasons takes me to places in my heart n opens these little channels and I find myself at a point immersed in feelings about my ex husband. Most of the time I hv no idea how I arrived at that place in my heart sort of like daydreaming. Maybe it's just being wistful. Maybe it's when I am lonely. I seem to only think of him at certain times in my life. Maybe I need to retrain my mind to be mindful of how long I I allow myself to think about him. Coz to be honest I only hv sad feelings when I think of him, no memories of fun & happiness. Just sadness, regret, betrayal, confusion, loneliness. I know my mind is seeking answers as to why he did what he did & I question Why did this happen to me.
The question I see that is important is that If it did not happen I would not be the changed person I am now. I like who I am today I hv come along way in my development. You know pain n suffering are teachers in my life. They hv made a groove in my spirit n soul that has deepened my capacity to think and feel in my life.
So a pilgrim on my journey. My wisdom to you, seek counselling, read, do medication on for a short time, exercise, take a trip somewhere, create lots n lots on new memories, work at making YOU happy. Give ur self art n music n beauty. Take ur time in healing. Be gentle n kind in filling yourself up & emptying ur self, so u can fill up again.
Most importantly, get bak on the pony. Go out n date again. Meet n make new friends. Love is not love until u give it away. So create new love & bask in the glow of feeling love again.
I wish u peace n love on ur journey.
Michelle (50yrs). Myself, Mother of 3 children. A student in life

Comments for My husband, my soulmate, left me after 25marriage

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Nov 05, 2014
My husband, my soulmate, let me after 25yrs. marriage
by: Doreen UK

Michelle I am so sorry for your loss of your husband to leaving the marital home you both shared for 25yrs. It is painful when you discover your husband's secret of unhappiness and his departure from your life.
I think you have done amazingly to bring up 3 children and embark on a journey to find yourself. In the beginning you talk in a very detached way. As you have had 4yrs. of being without your husband you have discovered yourself and your FREEDOM you took for granted as it was wrapped up in the needs of your husband and family.
You can't be with a man for so many years without memories returning and you feeling the pain of that moment without him. In many ways his departure was just like a death to you.
Thinking of him is normal and wondering what and how his life is going. Wondering what went wrong that he was so unhappy. Perhaps the unhappiness was in himself and part of his own emotional make up?
If issues are not resolved in a marriage/relationship, they will keep coming to the surface pressing for resolution. Thoughts and feelings have nowhere to go if not expressed.
Counseling worked for me and gave me back my life in rich measure. Best decision and investment I made in my life. Reaping rich rewards for me now. But sad to say not with the man I loved and lost to cancer 2 1/2yrs. ago. Together for 44yrs. and 3 Adult children who live their own lives.
Having given all of me to my family I then discovered. "What do I do with me?" I am on a journey of discovery also and enjoying my freedom to do anything I want at any given time. I don't have the burden of dealing with divorce and struggling with my emotions. A grief too far.
I applaud you for your journey of discovering yourself and feeling happy and content with your life and where you are now.
Do the counseling. It is very cathartic. Do all the things you described in your post. It sounds like an adventure. Nurture yourself this way and you will find a happiness that cannot be discovered from being in a relationship. It is the most amazing experience making this discovery. JUST THINK! the world is our oyster. Go and make memories and dreams and make it a great adventure. Put the thoughts of your EX on the back burner and don't let such memories intrude on your space and spoil the moment. LETS DO IT TOGETHER!!
Best wishes.

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