Step daughters loss

by MMM

Ten years have come and gone since my step daughters bio mom moved away. At the time they were just babies. 4&5. She by no means was an active bio mom, didn't call on birthdays, Christmas or for any other reason.
The custody battle.. Was just that, a battle. In and out of court over and over. For 3 long years.
I met my step daughters around Christmas, they were only 23&9 months old. We had so many ups and downs when it came to living arrangement with the kids. Bio mom moved every month it seemed. And every few weeks "life is too much and I need you to take the kids" is all we heard from her.
3 years later we finally got the judge and all her lawyers to see that we actually weren't so bad! That we could actually provide a loving, caring, stable environment for these 2 precious angels!!
And that bio mom on the other hand was.... A mess.
Later that year bio mom meet a man, and had a baby ( turned out not to be his)
After false police repots, abuse allegations toward others.. Bio mom couldn't take all the drama she caused and left for another city hundreds of Km's away.

Eventually the kids got used to the idea of bio mom not being here.. Showing she didn't care. And they gave up on her being a "mom"
Life went on! Everyone was happy and content. We were a family, always had been... Always will be!!!

10 years passed so quickly, I'm so proud of my step kids, and how amazing they are, kind, caring, just perfect in my eyes. After all they are my babies!

One day not too long ago, the police came to our home. They had to talk to my babies.. They had to tell them that this lady, who gave birth to them, who wasn't around but instead was raising her new family..far far away, would never be back.

That early one morning, she didn't wake up.
All her bad habits had caught up to her.

Now my kids are left wondering... All these questions they have. From serious to silly.. And I have no idea what to say.

How do you help your babies when you don't know the answers?!! How can you explain why a mother could leave without saying goodbye?!

Comments for Step daughters loss

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Nov 05, 2014
Step daughters loss
by: Doreen UK

MMM This is such a tragedy. What you need to FOCUS on is that you became those two girls "MOTHER". You nurtured them and grew them to be the children they were into the adults they are now. As a Mom you don't need to find out the answers for them. This is something they will have to realize for themselves. They will ask you for answers and you may have some to give them, but you can't be expected to fill in all the blanks in their lives.
They will observe what you have done for them and realize in time that You were/are their mother in essence by bringing them up.
Sadly the bio mom lost out through her CHOICES she made in life to abandon her 2 daughters for whatever reason. The facts speak for themselves. She couldn't take care of her two children she had. She made a choice to have another child by another man which is irresponsible when she cared nothing for her two surviving daughters. What values you put into those two girls they will never forget. You can hold your head up and realize that you put the needs of those two girls FIRST.
The answers they will have to figure out for themselves. Just keep assuring them from a Mature adult point of view that their mother loved them but couldn't care for them in the way they needed due to her circumstances and lifestyle choices. Teach them to HONOR their mother despite her lack of care towards them. When you give your two girls positive information/affirmation, they will heal better. Often in life there are no answers for many things and we often have to work things out for ourselves and go through the battles of having to forgive those who let us down, and ourselves in time for how we feel towards those who let us down in life. Your two children will have to go through the motions and as they mature a lot of searching questions, and answers will just fall into place. In time it won't matter. In life when WE KNOW BETTER. we WILL DO BETTER. Often we don't have the autonomy or tools to make a difference in our lives, the way we need to so we can continue doing the right thing. But somewhere and somehow we eventually find our own truth about our life and how we want to move forward. Somehow the negative things in life help one to be stretched and grow into MATURITY. We can't protect our children often from the hurts in life. It is these hurts that will forge character.

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